Going down with the ship

Our production of Pirates is definitely cursed. Peter, Greg and Bobby please return the tiki to the ancient Hawaiian burial ground ASAP (anyone? if you guessed Brady Bunch Hawaii triple episode, season 4, you're a bigger loser than I am)! Anyway, following some nightmare casting (both Fredericks dropped out of the show 2 weeks before opening) and opening week falling directly before a holiday weekend so we couldn't rehearse, we have been served yet another ridiculous obstacle. Midway through the first act of last night's final dress, the Pirate King fell deathly ill and had to be rushed to the hospital. Of course, it just so happens that this is the only role that we DID NOT assign an understudy or double cast. We jokingly threw our stage manager onstage on book to fill in thinking our PK was just suffering from intense pre-opening jitters. Our stage manager is about five foot tall, somewhat portly, well over the age of 40 AND a woman (but a lovely, kind soul). Did I mention that this is a student production? Anyway, although she is an immensely talented performer in her own right, something about watching a middle aged woman in pirate drag cavorting onstage with a bunch of teenagers is just slightly disturbing. Anyway, turns out that the PK caught an intense virus and can't go on tonight - OPENING NIGHT! Oh well. The show must go on and tonight will be no exception. All my fingers (and toes) will be crossed and hoping for the best. Hopefully, by closing performance on Sunday afternoon, all will be well. I will most likely be drunk, if not slightly tipsy by then. Did I also happen to mention that I'm the orchestra? Just my ten fingers and an extremely out of tune piano. The indignity continues. Please come witness it this weekend while contributing to a worthy cause - my paycheck.