AUDITION HELL PART 1: Dissed by Paul Gemignani

I know this blog is a bit schizo when it comes to content.  I mean, where else can you read about my family vacation to Sicily and then click on a review for the off-Broadway production of Far From Heaven?  But since theatre did consume my life for the better part of a decade, it seems appropriate to share some of my most soul-crushing audition stories for your enjoyment and ridicule in a new series of posts.  Everyone loves a little schadenfreude, right?  So here goes...

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Dissed by Paul Gemignani

To say I was overjoyed when Roundabout announced it was producing the first Broadway revival of Sondheim's groundbreaking musical, Pacific Overtures, would be an understatement.  The show seemed a perfect fit for me, especially in the post-Miss Saigon era of ethnically correct casting.  They'd need a large ensemble of excellent Asian singing actors.  In other words, they needed ME.

I jumped through the required ECC hoops and was thrilled to get a callback.  Since I assumed most people would be singing serious, dramatic material, I decided to try a different approach by choosing Gershwin's "They All Laughed" because like Sondheim, it's lyric-heavy but it's also light and shows personality.

I arrived at Ripley-Grier and headed to the assigned audition studio.  Upon arriving I learned that the great one himself, Paul Gemignani, was in the room.  Yes, the legendary Sondheim collaborator and musical director of some of Broadway's greatest musicals (Follies, Sweeney Todd, A Little Night Music, Evita, Crazy For You, Into the Woods, Merrily..., Sundy in the Park... et al -- not to mention the original Broadway production of Pacific Overtures) was behind that closed door and waiting to discover me.

Though nervous, I pulled my shit together enough to give what a thought was a pretty solid audition.  I thanked the panel and went to collect my book from the accompanist.  But Mr. Gemignani stopped me and (gasp) asked me to sing something else.

Holy shit!  Paul Gemignani asked me for another song.  Might as well hand me that kimono and white pancake make-up right now, because this fucker is mine.

I honestly can't remember what a chose as a second song.  I've probably blocked it out because of the traumatic memories it conjures up.  What I do remember is starting that second song brimming with confidence and energy.  Then about fifteen seconds into it I noticed Mr. Gemignani waving his hand, signaling for me to stop singing.

OK, whatever.  He was likely so dazzled by my vocal brilliance that he'll probably offer me a contract on the spot, right?

Wrong.  Without looking up from the sheet he was scribbling on, the great Paul Gemignani said, "Thank you, but you should have quit while you were ahead."

More sad tales of failure to come!!!

Countdown to Pineda Summer Conservatory and Fausto with power tools

For many of you, being stuck in a cement room no bigger than your average movie theatre with a hundred excited, hormonal teens for five hours a day is the very definition of hell on earth.  For the Pinedas, it's just business as usual.

Granted, things have improved greatly since we finally got air conditioning installed in the theatre last summer.  I still think back fondly to those first few summers, watching cast members pass out on stage during performances in 90 degree heat while wearing twenty pound wool costumes.  Ah, the good old days.

Since our crazy conservatory schedule coupled with my 9-to-5 literally allows me no vacation time (the European cruise with the family 2 years ago was the first time in over four years that I had more than a long weekend off), I revel in the freedom of my three weeks working at the summer conservatory.  And by freedom I mean not having to check my email every five minutes and the luxury of wearing shorts and tank tops to work.

With the first day of classes beginning next Monday, we're in full panic mode with preparations (mainly the mental kind).  Last weekend, we spent a day in the theatre to get a head start on set building.  Yes, Fausto and power tools - a combination that must be seen to be believed.  I'm actually quite handy with a jigsaw, thank you very much.

To see my handiwork onstage (hint - that coral reef didn't grow itself) you'll have to check out Spotlight Theatre Program's production of Disney's The Little Mermaid Jr in a couple of weeks.

Vanya and Sonia et al - the Broadway invasion of the topless hunk continues...

Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spike
Golden Theatre
Wed, June 12 @ 8PM

What is up with all the waxed pecs and six-packs on display on the Great White Way this season?  Picnic, Pippin, Chicago, The Nance, The Performers, Breakfast At Tiffany's, Cat On a Hot Tin Roof, Golden Boy - just to name a few.  I haven't seen so many buff dudes displaying their wares in midtown since the Gaiety Theatre closed its dingy doors a decade ago.  Ah, the memories.  Not that I'm complaining.  I mean, if they could throw in some hunky, half naked man candy into Lucky Guy I'd definitely reconsider buying a ticket.

For all you respectable folk, there is plenty to enjoy in Vanya besides the half naked Billy Magnussen (though he is a bonus).  Vanya is the rare comedy written with intelligence and warmth that doesn't pander to its audience.  When was the last time you heard Chekhov quoted as a punchline?  The genius of Durang's writing is that even if you don't get all the references, it's still non-stop, laugh-out-loud funny.

The play focuses on aging siblings Vanya (a droll and adorable David Hyde Pierce) and Sonia (face contortionist Kristine Nielsen).  Both still single and living together in the family's rural home, they have let time and technology pass them by while their glamorous sister, Masha (Sigourney Weaver) has traveled the world as a famous actress.  When Masha returns for a visit with dippy boy toy Spike in tow, family resentments resurface and generation gaps widen.

Pierce and Nielsen, both comic geniuses, get to show off their serious acting chops with long, juicy monologues in the second act.  Nielsen is particularly moving in a self-depracating phone call with a possible suitor.  Pierce gets to let loose in a wild tirade against the isolating power of technology.  Weaver, though clearly having a ball, seems a bit stiff and vocally underpowered in comparison.

Magnussen's gender-reversed blond bimbo just can't seem to keep his clothes on.  His reverse strip tease is worth the price of admission, as is Nielsen's horrified reaction to it.  Shalita Grant is wickedly funny as the no-nonsense housekeeper/oracle.  Liesel Allen Yeager channels a young Alicia Siverstone a la "Clueless" (in a good way) as a starstruck wannabe actress.

Though fresh off Christopher Durang's Tony win for Best Play, Trish and I still managed to snag 30% discounted rear orchestra seats at the "half price" booth earlier that afternoon.  I'm hoping to pay a return visit when Julie White replaces Weaver later this summer.  She should be a good match for Nielsen and Pierce's brand of quirky humor.

With the small cast requirements and unit set, get ready to see Vanya invade the regional and summer stock theatres next year.

Magic Flute Tech + Tonys = Ranting and Diarrhea

Pineda Lyric's The Magic Flute

What a difference a day makes.

Judging from the Magic Flute dress rehearsals on Thursday and Friday nights, it seemed we were doomed to a very long and painful day of Saturday performances.  From the made-up blocking and dialogue, missed cues and general cluelessness displayed on stage, a few members of our teenage cast seemed to genuinely lack a sense of urgency or responsibility.  Very disconcerting for the producing team considering that in a day or so a paying audience would be witness to this mess.

Of course, I'm only talking about a few duds sprinkled amongst a mainly conscientious cast of young people.  But hey, it only takes a little spot of fuzzy green mold to ruin the whole wheel of cheese, right?

Fast forward less than 24 hours to the matinee performance and all of a sudden, voilà, we have a show!  Not that the made-up blocking was magically fixed and the dialogue learned.  That would have been a true miracle in the Biblical sense.  But the kids were finally performing, and at the very least committing strongly to their (often wrong) choices.

I'm definitely not advocating this type of preparation - or rather lack of preparation - as a viable option for a performer.  But it sure beats the agony of witnessing long stretches of uncomfortable silence between two dumbstruck actors on stage, an acting "technique" we witnessed dozens of times (not an exaggeration) during both dress rehearsals.

Sigh.

Is it awful to wish that just once, these ill prepared youngsters would crash and burn during a performance?  If these same young people always succeed with a wonderful - if inaccurate and completely improvised - performance, doesn't it just refute everything we're trying to teach them about the work and preparation required for success?  Isn't it better for them to fail now when the consequences are minimal rather than when it's their first big work/college project?  If a train chugging at 40 mph leaves Sante Fe at 4:00 PM...oh, never mind.

I guess it just rubs me the wrong way to congratulate a young person who, from the audience's perspective, has given a wonderful performance even though that performance was pretty much based on luck and improvisation.  Oh well, I guess that's what blogs are for - bitching and moaning about things you can't really change.

Speaking of bitches, did ya'll catch the Tony Awards?  I guess that's rhetorical considering my audience.  I have to say, I'm somewhat surprised that this year's Tony voters decided to base their decisions on merit rather than popularity.  How else do you explain Billy Porter's win over Bertie Carvel, Tracy Letts' win over Tom Hanks, Vanya's win over Lucky Guy, Kinky's win over Matilda...Not complaining, but it's a nice change.

That opening number was pretty damn impressive as well.  Just thinking about coordinating the rehearsals for that 7 minutes of lunacy gives me a slight case of diarrhea.  And that "Kiss LA Good-bye" parody had just enough queeny schtick for the gays while supplying enough pushed-up cleavage to appease the eight straight dudes watching.

Of course, my favorite moment was Audra's so-wrong-it's-right rendition of Alicia Keys' "Empire State of Mind" and then dropping her mic, gangsta' style.  That bitch crazy.  Can't wait to see how NPH tops this next year.

(More pictures of the 2013 Young Artist production of Mozart's The Magic Flute here.)

Into The Woods at McCarter

Into The Woods
Fiasco Theater Company @ McCarter Theater
Sunday, May 26, 7PM

It's been a couple of weeks and my memory ain't what it used to be, but I think I can muster up enough coherent thoughts on this extraordinary production to write a review.

As I posted previously, Fiasco's stripped-down production is pretty much perfection.  It's creative, surprising and moving in ways that I don't necessarily associate with Into The Woods.  Most productions seem to emulate (i.e. copy) the well-known original Broadway production's lavish design and feel or else ignore the material's dark undercurrents in favor of twee preciousness.

This production takes place on a bare stage decorated with discarded piano parts and strewn with dusty old relics you might find in grannie's attic.  But in the whimsical hands of the cast and with a little imagination, these garage sale finds transform into trees, towers and birds.

The upside to this stripped-down approach is that it focuses our attention on Sondheim's pithy lyrics that expound on complex themes of family and responsibility.  I'm very familiar with the show, having directed it as well as been forced to sit through many a tedious production, and Fiasco has managed to make the scenes and songs seem fresh and the quick, dense lyrics intelligible to my jaded ears.

The cast of 10 (I'd actually include pianist, Matt Castle - who, incidentally, I replaced in a show many, many moons ago - as an 11th cast member) play all the roles, creating some hilarious doubling opportunities.  Some even do triple duty, supplementing Castle's piano accompaniment by playing random instruments scattered about the stage.

It seems redundant for me to continue my review considering Brantley's capture my thoughts so well in his review in the New York Times.  So I'll just list some of my favorite moments and leave the critical dissection to the pros.

• Double casting the princes as Florinda and Lucinda.
• Using shadows to represent the Giant's murder.
• Having the entire female ensemble speak/sing the role of Cinderella's mother.
• Creating a communal feel by eliminating the narrator and distributing his lines to the cast so that it seems like a group of storytellers re-enacting the events for us rather than us just watching a play.
• Re-orchestrating the music for Jack's mother to give her character a more folk/country feel.
• Andy Grotelueshen's comedic use of a cowbell as Milky White.
• Staging "On the Steps of the Palace" as if Cinderella were actually stuck on the steps.

Sure, the singing voices aren't always optimal, but the trade off is an emotional clarity and depth that, in this case, transcends a perfect belt.  Though I won't lie, I would sell my left nut to hear Carolee's "Last Midnight."  A girl can dream.

Pippin - so many ample bosoms...and that's just the men

Pippin

Music Box Theatre

Sunday, June 2, 3PM

I don't know what they're pumping into the vents at the Music Box Theatre, but from the audience reaction to the opening chords of "Magic To Do" you'd think we were at a monster truck rally in some swampy backwater town in Louisiana.  I know there's been lots of hype, and rightly so, surrounding Diane Paulus' circus-themed revival of the psychedelic 70s tuner.  But this afternoon's audience was whooping and hollering at a black curtain.  Or more likely, at $130 a ticket people have decided that they WILL have a good time in the theatre, no matter what, dammit!

With only a week until the Tonys and the show getting prime time play on every major talk show (it seems you can't change the channel without seeing Patina Miller's maniacal, toothy grin), I was frankly shocked to see the show available on TKTS, though only at 30% off (check out the nifty official smartphone app that shows real-time ticket availability).  So much for the days of "half-priced" tickets at the booth.  With a gift certificate from one of Trish's students subsidizing our little field trip, the price for two seats was almost affordable. 

Pippin has never been a favorite show of mine.  It's got a solid score with a couple of great Stephen Schwartz tunes but the clunky book is dated and gives off a kitschy 70s vibe that I'm sure can be traced to the consumption of too many mind-altering substances.  What made the original Pippin special was the iconic performance of Ben Vereen as the leading player and the genius of Bob Fosse's direction and choreography (both of which have luckily been captured on video).

Thankfully, Diane Paulus' newly re-imagined production breathes some new life into this 70s relic.  The circus theme is a perfect backdrop for Pippin's episodic book and for Patina Miller's demented ringmaster-on-crack leading player.  

The acrobatic and aerial work by Gypsy Snyder of Canadian circus troupe Les 8 doigts de la main keeps the stage in constant motion, adding an energy and momentum that is missing in the writing.  It also doesn't hurt to have the buff cast contort, leap and dance in an eye-popping array of flesh revealing costumes.

Broadway stalwart Terrence Mann adds a humanity, depth and humor to Charles, a character that usually comes off as a one dimensional cartoon.  Charlotte D'Amboise gives a solid, if workmanlike reading of the sexy Fastrada.  Andrea Martin (Berthe) practically steals (and stops) the show with her single, acrobatic scene.  I won't give spoilers, but Ms. Martin's performance will inspire grannies everywhere to start hitting the gym.  

Matthew James Thomas is an endearing Pippin with a lovely six pack (for those who care).  He lends the perfect balance of charm and innocence to a character that can often come off as a cipher.  His pretty pop tenor voice is perfect for the folksy score but he's got to watch the growling in his middle register or he won't have that pretty voice for long.  And did I mention his six pack?

I have mixed feelings about Patina Miller's leading player.  To say her performance is intense is like saying Michele Bachmann is quirky.  Subtle, Ms. Miller is not.  But it's clearly the choice she (and no doubt Paulus) has made for the character and Miller commits to it with an unbridled ferocity.  I don't necessarily agree with the choice, but I do respect the execution.  And besides, ain't nobody gonna' mess with Patina.  Have you seen those biceps?  

Chet Walker's choreography "in the style of Fosse" is by definition derivative.  But at least it's derivative of genius.  It doesn't re-invent Fosse as much as point out the current dearth of originality and artistry found on Broadway stages today.  Don't get me wrong, I don't think there's a lack of talent, only a lack of producers willing to take a chance on an unknown commodity.  Sigh. 

Regardless, you should catch the revival now with the original cast.  I can definitely see how this production, which relies heavily on the quirkiness and individuality of each cast member, may suffer once replacements start filtering into the production.

"Magic Flute" frustrations & melodic colonic at "The Little Mermaid"

The Bad Seed, 1956

Dante has obviously never produced a full length opera performed entirely by 12 to 18 year olds, otherwise he'd most certainly have included a tenth level of hell somewhere between the fifth (anger) and the seventh (violence) rings.  I found myself precariously poised between anger and violence following Saturday afternoon's tedious Magic Flute rehearsal at which several of the leading performers were still stumbling over lines and blocking after a mere four months of rehearsal (the show opens in one week).

Is it no wonder Val decided to take last season off from producing operas?  Sure, producing any kind of classical art form, let alone opera, in this economy and within a youth culture of instant gratification and entitlement is an iffy proposition.  But last season's break was as much a mental health issue as it was a financial one.  Sometimes you just need to cleanse the mental palate - or in this case, scrape it clean.

Okay, rant over.  Moving on...

Trish matches the poster!

With those damn Magic Flute melodies insinuating themselves into our brains like a bad case of head lice, we decided on an impromptu trip to the Paper Mill Playhouse for a melodic colonic via Alan Menken’s tuneful Little Mermaid score.  There is nothing more catchy (or annoying) in all the musical theatre canon than Ariel’s three-note, ascending theme.  I bet you're hearing it in your head right now and cursing me.  Bwah ha ha ha.

The Little Mermaid

Paper Mill Playhouse

Saturday, June 1, 7PM

Apparently, Saturday's gay night (aka actor night) at the Paper Mill.  In the audience we spotted Ra-Sean Holloway, Don Rey, Matt LaBanca, Matt Tweardy and Daniel Torres all slumming it in Jersey for tonight’s performance.  At least we were in good company.

The original Broadway production of The Little Mermaid, though it had its moments (specifically the glorious vocals of Sierra Boggess), was mostly a bloated, stylistically inconsistent mess.  But that’s what happens when you attempt to stretch the near perfect original Disney movie into two acts in order to justify charging over $100 a ticket. 

For Paper Mill’s production, Disney granted the artistic team permission to re-write and tweak the original script.  It could still use some judicious snipping (the added Ursula songs are abysmal and the eels do not need their own song), but the Paper Mill version is superior, with a clearer, more streamlined book.

The physical production has also been re-thought.  No more mer-folk in heelys.  Instead, our scaly friends are suspended from cables and “swim” through the air.  It’s a major improvement visually over the skates, though the novelty began to fade by the second act.  And all those body rolls to approximate swimming are a little much.  We get it.  You're underwater.  You're fish.  But please stop.  

One major misstep with the flying/swimming is during “Part of Your World.”  Poor Jessica Grové is being whipped around the stage the entire song and as a result, suffers vocally and dramatically.  In the Broadway version, Sierra made me cry simply sitting there onstage.  Grové’s version only succeeded in making me seasick (not her fault, of course).

The rest of the cast is uniformly excellent with Nick Adams showing off a surprisingly legit voice (who knew he had that hidden underneath his Priscilla drag).  I wish Ed Watts had more opportunity to show off his ringing baritone voice, but he fills out his wet suit nicely.  And poor Liz McCartney valiantly tries to put over the two worst songs in the show (though in consolation, she also gets the best song, "Poor, Unfortunate Souls").

Don't forget to come out this summer and check out our middle school Spotlight Theatre students present Disney's Little Mermaid Jr.  We promise lots of flying and stunning visual effects!  And by "flying" I mean "walking" and by "stunning visual effects" I mean "a backdrop."