"Magic Flute" frustrations & melodic colonic at "The Little Mermaid"

The Bad Seed, 1956

Dante has obviously never produced a full length opera performed entirely by 12 to 18 year olds, otherwise he'd most certainly have included a tenth level of hell somewhere between the fifth (anger) and the seventh (violence) rings.  I found myself precariously poised between anger and violence following Saturday afternoon's tedious Magic Flute rehearsal at which several of the leading performers were still stumbling over lines and blocking after a mere four months of rehearsal (the show opens in one week).

Is it no wonder Val decided to take last season off from producing operas?  Sure, producing any kind of classical art form, let alone opera, in this economy and within a youth culture of instant gratification and entitlement is an iffy proposition.  But last season's break was as much a mental health issue as it was a financial one.  Sometimes you just need to cleanse the mental palate - or in this case, scrape it clean.

Okay, rant over.  Moving on...

Trish matches the poster!

With those damn Magic Flute melodies insinuating themselves into our brains like a bad case of head lice, we decided on an impromptu trip to the Paper Mill Playhouse for a melodic colonic via Alan Menken’s tuneful Little Mermaid score.  There is nothing more catchy (or annoying) in all the musical theatre canon than Ariel’s three-note, ascending theme.  I bet you're hearing it in your head right now and cursing me.  Bwah ha ha ha.

The Little Mermaid

Paper Mill Playhouse

Saturday, June 1, 7PM

Apparently, Saturday's gay night (aka actor night) at the Paper Mill.  In the audience we spotted Ra-Sean Holloway, Don Rey, Matt LaBanca, Matt Tweardy and Daniel Torres all slumming it in Jersey for tonight’s performance.  At least we were in good company.

The original Broadway production of The Little Mermaid, though it had its moments (specifically the glorious vocals of Sierra Boggess), was mostly a bloated, stylistically inconsistent mess.  But that’s what happens when you attempt to stretch the near perfect original Disney movie into two acts in order to justify charging over $100 a ticket. 

For Paper Mill’s production, Disney granted the artistic team permission to re-write and tweak the original script.  It could still use some judicious snipping (the added Ursula songs are abysmal and the eels do not need their own song), but the Paper Mill version is superior, with a clearer, more streamlined book.

The physical production has also been re-thought.  No more mer-folk in heelys.  Instead, our scaly friends are suspended from cables and “swim” through the air.  It’s a major improvement visually over the skates, though the novelty began to fade by the second act.  And all those body rolls to approximate swimming are a little much.  We get it.  You're underwater.  You're fish.  But please stop.  

One major misstep with the flying/swimming is during “Part of Your World.”  Poor Jessica Grové is being whipped around the stage the entire song and as a result, suffers vocally and dramatically.  In the Broadway version, Sierra made me cry simply sitting there onstage.  Grové’s version only succeeded in making me seasick (not her fault, of course).

The rest of the cast is uniformly excellent with Nick Adams showing off a surprisingly legit voice (who knew he had that hidden underneath his Priscilla drag).  I wish Ed Watts had more opportunity to show off his ringing baritone voice, but he fills out his wet suit nicely.  And poor Liz McCartney valiantly tries to put over the two worst songs in the show (though in consolation, she also gets the best song, "Poor, Unfortunate Souls").

Don't forget to come out this summer and check out our middle school Spotlight Theatre students present Disney's Little Mermaid Jr.  We promise lots of flying and stunning visual effects!  And by "flying" I mean "walking" and by "stunning visual effects" I mean "a backdrop."

Is That a Conk in Your Pocket, Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

OK, I admit it, for months I’ve been obsessed with the bootlegs of Sierra Boggess singing the Little Mermaid on Youtube. I guess deep down I’m just a teenage girl with a Disney princess fantasy – but really, who doesn’t? So I’m only slightly embarrassed to say that I bought a ticket, actually two tickets (one for me and one for my sister), months ago – um, for her birthday. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. Tonight we finally got to see the mermaid sing (and dance). The good news – the classic movie tunes still work remarkably well when transferred to the stage (Ariel’s simple ascending three note theme still makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up) and the newly written music, although not nearly of the same caliber, still surpasses in pure craftsmanship most of what’s been written in the past couple of years. Alan Menken simply knows how to write a singable, soaring melody. The bad news – the last twenty minutes is a big, hot mess! SPOILER ALERT, DO NOT READ FURTHER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW SPECIFICS – but remember, this is Disney, folks! They don't utilize the fairy tale's original, tragic ending. Do you really think the House of Mouse is gonna’ have its perky heroine witness the man she loves marry another woman then throw herself into the ocean out of extreme grief? Not likely. This stage version utilizes the movie's "happily-ever-after" ending, which wouldn't bother me so much except that the artistic team has created some truly inane dialogue and pointless staging. Forthwith is the last scene of the musical. I will paraphrase since I’m going by memory, so please forgive me.

Grimsby: I’m honored to have your daughter marry the prince. Will we ever see
you again?
Triton ("standing" on land, is he amphibian?): That depends. According to you I’m only a silly legend.
Grimsby:  Can you stay for the wedding?
Triton: Well, for this occasion I will let our two worlds celebrate together for just one night. (He waves around lame Christmas-light covered pitchfork. Stage fills with smoke. Human gay boys prance onto stage, mermaid ladies glide in on skates. Are we on land or in the water?  Gay boys spin mermaids around real fast and they sing a reprise of “Part of Your World.”)

Curtain.

It just doesn't work. It's way too "nice" and generic. Even the audience seemed confused by the abrupt theme park-like ending. It reads like an afterthought; as though they got to the last hour of the last rehearsal before the first preview and the director said, "How the hell are we gonna' end this thing?"

Ursala's death is pretty lame as well. Maybe it works from the orchestra section, but it's painfully obvious from the mezzanine that Ursula's walking toward a trapdoor. I mean there are little red lights on it! I'm sure they’re there for safety reasons, but come on. That's all you could come up with? And FYI to the director, the big bad villainess shouldn’t be stepping away from Ariel, she should be going after her. Ursala is saying something to the effect of, “Give me back my shell you bitch!” yet she’s walking away from Ariel because the friggin' trap door is 8 feet to her left. Change the damn blocking already, it doesn’t make sense! And poor Norm Lewis as Triton is straddled with more bad direction. Example - after signing away his soul, his ugly pitchfork thingy lights up (it looks like a big plastic fork with Christmas lights on it), theme park lightning affects go off, he hands the scepter over to Ursula, lays down on floor and is held down by Flotsam. Or was it Jetsam? I'm not sure, but it doesn't really matter. We're supposed to believe a waif thin, gay eel is "holding down" super buff Norm Lewis? Even stripped of "magical powers" Norm/Triton could bitch slap that eel into next week.

I do have to give props to the cast, though. The performances in general were impressive. I found Sierra Boggess quite charming and her singing was darn near flawless. Damn, this girl has a huge range and looks gorgeous in shells and a tail. My only complaint is that it seems she was coached to put on a "Disney voice" at times which seemed a bit thin and anemic, though pretty, compared to her full-voiced singing elsewhere. Oh, and the scene where she gets her "land legs" was pretty bad, too. Her cartoonish miming and over-exaggerated hobbling was pretty awful. She needs some method work – tie some ropes around her thighs, let her legs fall asleep, and then let her try to walk. You’ll get some realistic hobbling then.

I enjoyed Sean Palmer's performance as well, although I wasn't fully convinced until his big song, "Her Voice" when he finally started acting like a real person and not a cartoon. Until then, he was playing the prince like a spoiled 16 year old rather than a man about to turn 25. His vocals also impressed, except for the last note of “Her Voice.” He did the old "straight tone into vibrato" technique and was incredibly flat until his vibrato kicked in. I know it’s the current trend, but it worked against him. Either 1) change the vowel to better accommodate the high placement 2) lower the note or 3) let him use vibrato. It totally ruined the whole song for me, which I was enjoying until that very last badly placed note. Audiences forgive anything if you end well. No matter how many perfect high C's you hit in the middle of the song, they will only remember the final clunker.

Titus will probably earn a supporting Tony nom for his turn as Sebastian. His vocal range is higher than most women I know. He was always sincere and committed and genuinely appeared to be having a good time. The sisters and flounder had a great production number in Act I that helped flesh out their thin characters a bit. Again, Norm Lewis is totally wasted. He’s the Fantine of this production, appearing intermittently in the first act and basically disappearing in the second. Oh well, a paycheck is a paycheck.

Despite complaints from earlier reports, the set and costume design didn't really bother me. I actually thought they were quite interesting in an impressionistic sort of way. No, it’s not a realistic reproduction of an undersea world, but that’s what your imagination is for. The stage did appear somewhat bare at times, specifically during Kiss the Girl and most of Ursula's scenes . I admit the two giant wine bottle openers on either side of the stage were rather odd, but pretty to look at. Perhaps the designer’s take on coral? My report card - performances: B+, physical production: C-

Poor Ariel...

The reviews for Mermaid are in and they are not pretty.

Samples:

Clive Barnes, New York Post
"The music is sort of perkily lugubrious."
About the sets - "Underneath all this baroque ornamentation was a tiny, tinny little musical struggling for its life. "
About the cast - "all swimming upstream with a kind of grinning gallantry. "

Ben Brantley, New York Times
"Loved the shoes. Loathed the show."
"Disney’s charm-free $15 million adaptation of its charming 1989 animated movie of the same title."
"Directed by Francesca Zambello, this “Little Mermaid” burdens its performers with ungainly guess-what-I-am costumes (by Tatiana Noginova) and a distracting set (by George Tsypin) awash in pastels gone sour and unidentifiable giant tchotchkes that suggest a Luau Lounge whipped up by an acid-head heiress in the 1960s. The whole enterprise is soaked in that sparkly garishness that only a very young child — or possibly a tackiness-worshiping drag queen — might find pretty."

Do 13 year old girls care about reviews? Maybe not. But my suggestion for the next adaptation, Mulan. At least all the characters are human.

In other news, my former roommates Chris and Dan, would like to announce an addition to their family, little Dewar's. Say good-bye to freedom, boys!

Picture to follow....

Where are the Mer-men? And I Don't Mean Ethel...

After re-reading my Little Mermaid review, I realized that I may have been a bit negative about certain aspects of the show. In fairness, I guess I should be providing some suggestions to balance my criticisms. Since the show is in previews for the next couple of weeks, the Mermaid creative team will have plenty of time to implement my simple, yet inspired suggestions. Ms. Zambello and Mr. Schumacher, if you’re listening, and I’m sure you are, please note the following changes that will vastly improve your little show. In no particular order:

• Use Ursala's big shell piece to hold Triton captive, not those wimpy eels. Then when Ariel breaks the magic shell, have those tentacle things turn on Ursula, holding her captive and powerless. Then you’re also set up for the inevitable pointless sequel (High School Musical II - anyone?) where Ursala escapes and you rehash the exact same script with different songs.

• Someone needs to tell those eels to tone it down a notch. I’m no prude, but watching them interact made me feel dirty in a bad way. Are they supposed to be gay eels? Can eels even be gay?

• Why are there no mer-men besides Triton? There are references to them, but you never see one. Also, why is Triton’s tail all limp and dragging on the floor while the mermaids tails are all bouncy and upright?

• Axe the frog hand puppets in “Kiss the Girl.” They look like Sesame Street rejects.

• That whole "mermaids and humans together for one night" ending is just plain stupid. Have the wedding on the boat with the mermaids skating - er, swimming around it. Then utilize my vastly superior closing scene as follows:

Full Chorus: (sung) Now they can walk, now they can run, now they can play all day in the suuuuuuuuuuuuun!
(subito piano in orchestra) 

Ariel: (underscored) Will I ever see you again, dad?  

Triton: When you need me, sing and I'll answer you in the roar of the crashing waves. 

Ariel: I love you. 

Triton: (to Eric) Take care of my daughter. (Triton raises ugly pitchfork thingy, boat begins to floats up, Triton and Ariel extend arms to each other for final farewell gesture) 

Full Chorus: Out of the Seeeeaaaaa! 

Ariel, Triton, Eric: (continuing phrase) I'll finally beeeeee! Part of your woooorld! (Chorus underneath: ah, ah, ah)

And curtain.

Not a dry eye in the house.

Francesca, Thomas - if you have any questions, feel free to drop me an email. Love you, mean it!

Forbidden Broadway Goes to Rehab 2/12

I can’t believe I’ve only caught FB twice in its 27 years Off-Broadway. Trish and I decided to catch the final edition a few weeks ago. I have to admit, I felt somewhat self-conscious laughing at jokes that left the majority of the audience in ignorant silence. But I guess that’s what happens when the audience is packed with foreign tourists and clueless locals who obviously aren’t familiar with Broadway or for the matter, the English language. Why would you see a show that parodies Broadway shows if you haven’t seen any? It sort of defeats the purpose, no? The skits that received the heartiest response were those lampooning older shows and general Broadway personalities/topics - i.e. Disney-fication of Broadway, Patti LuPone and Liza - pretty much expected from a crowd with little knowledge of current Broadway. Though it’s quite a tribute to Strouse, Meehan and Charnin that even after all these years, the Annie parody still gets big laughs.

I started feeling bad for the cast right from the opening number. You could tell by the crickets that the audience just wasn’t getting any of the inside jokes. God bless them for pushing through anyway. You could almost see the thought bubble above the cast's collective heads screaming, “This audience sucks. No one knows what we’re talking about,” as they forced smiles and belted out the opening.

Props to the hard-working ladies in the cast for providing spot on vocal impersonations of Patti, Liza, Chenny and Kelly O’Hara. The men were pretty wonderful as well, but unfortunately, there just aren’t any distinctive male personalities or voices out there worth lampooning. Still, the “Lion King”, “Little Mermaid”, “Patti LuPone” and “Feed the ‘burbs” sections are pretty genius.

Unfortunately, this show for the “theatre-insider” closed last weekend. I’ll look forward to it’s return in a few years when I’m sure there’ll be plenty to make fun off - Spiderman, the Musical, anyone?

What's up at "Leap of Faith"? And my regular bitching and moaning...

I actually caught LOF about a week and a half ago, but since I've been practically living at the CDC theatre for the last week or so because of Carousel, I've not had much time to write.  Yes, I know, everyone's busy and I'm just a big, fat whiner.  But hypothetically, if you're an actor and you can't commit to - oh, let's say at least 60% of the rehearsals for a show - why do you even bother to audition?

Or once you find out the extent of the commitment, why do you except the job offer anyway?  Am I being unreasonable?  Crazy?  Both??  Someone please explain this to me because like an idiot, I've actually attended every rehearsal.

Ugh, I'm going to stop right now before I start an angry, bitchy rant that offends community theatre actors everywhere.  Not that propriety has ever stopped me from squarely planting my foot down my throat in the past.  God knows, I'm surely at the top of any NJ theatre blacklist.

But as I get older, I find it more and more difficult to politely keep my complaints and frustrations to myself.  If there's such a thing as incontinence of thought, someone get me a value pack of super absorbent adult diapers stat because I've recently developed a unique strain of diarrhea of the mouth I like to call "did-I-say-that-out-loud?" syndrome. You know the saying, "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all"?  If I abided by that particular bon mot I'd literally have nothing left to say.

I already see myself fifteen years down the road pushing a shopping cart down the street and yelling obscenities at people who unknowingly step into my path.  I finally understand where they're coming from.  And I accept the fact I will likely be a crazy, raving lunatic that people cross the street to avoid.

But back to the original topic at hand...

I'll post my review separately, but it seems the producers over at the St. James Theatre are having trouble filling the house for LOF.  It's regularly on TDF (where I got my tickets) and I received an email just last week from the production office offering free tickets to performances through the weekend.  It's a major, new Alan (Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Beauty & the Beast, et al) Menken Broadway musical and they're giving tickets away through a mass email?  Sounds pretty desperate to me.

I actually enjoyed the show, but apparently I'm in the minority.

I should also give a shout out to the always wonderful Kendra Kassebaum (she plays the lead character's sister) who I worked with on a national tour of Grease! years ago - in another lifetime - back when we didn't all have cell phones or laptops.  We whiled away the hours on the tour bus reading actual books - yes, made out of paper - and listening to CDs - you know, those round, silver thingies we now use as coasters.

I shall always fondly remember Kendra and Gaelen Gilliland entertaining the cast on long bus rides with their over-the-back-of-the-seat puppet shows.  Oh, how I long for those simpler days of yore.

Master Class, War Horse & Born Yesterday

Yes, you read correctly, three plays in less than a week.  I think that’s a record for me.  Quick, get me to a musical before they revoke my gay card!  Here’s a (sort of) brief run-down of my thespian pursuits of late.

Master Class

Samuel Friedman Theatre

Saturday, June 18, 2pm performance

Yes, detective Lacey sure has come a long way.  Though there’s still an odd Brooklynese twang to her unspecified European(?) accent. 

I saw the original Broadway production way back in my Manhattan School of Music days with Zoe Caldwell.  Her Callas was over-bearing, powerful and, well, a bitch. Tyne Daly lends a more sympathetic light to La Divina, an approach I prefer.  Though still a Diva, Daly let’s a bit of Callas’s vulnerability filter through that steely exterior and gives us a more human characterization.   

The singers are uniformly strong, with tenor Garrett Sorenson the standout.  Sierra Boggess plays the role that won Audra the Tony.  I didn’t think the Little Mermaid had it in her, but she surprised me with an easy high C, though her bottom and middle are thin and sometimes pushed.  Still, it’s a great performance and a surprisingly strong legit voice.

I’m now obsessed with Tyne’s Callas wig and the production shot with those thick, penciled-in eyebrows.  I think I have this year’s Halloween costume idea!

The real Callas

Tyne's Callas

War Horse

Vivian Beaumont @ Lincoln Center

Saturday, June 18, 8pm performance

I’m gonna’ sound like a total cheeseball here, but the physical production of War Horse is truly magical.  Ugh.  I can’t believe I just typed that.  I don’t know how else to describe it.  These ain’t your typical puppets. 

The story itself is a bit of a stretch and the cast works hard to add depth to a stage full of under-written characters, but the sum effect is satisfying if a bit dreary.  I’m sure the upcoming Speilberg film will succeed in turning this children’s story into a full-blown historical tearjerker.  I can’t wait to weep in the movie theatre.

Born Yesterday

Cort Theatre

Wednesday, June 22, 8pm performance

Well, the buzz has been crazy surrounding Nina Arianda’s performance and rightly so.  She adds a warmth and humanity to the ditzy Billie.  What Belushi lacks in subtlety, he makes up for in commitment and Robert Sean Leonard lends a dignified honesty to Paul.

The play creeks a bit with age, but the abusive relationship between Harry and Billie is universal and timely.  Seriously, I thought I was in for an evening of zany, laugh-out-loud comedy and instead was met with a treatise on abuse and power.  Who’d ‘ave thunk it? 

The set is gorgeous, the incidental music is awful and the first act takes about 20 minutes to really get rolling, but it’s worth the ride.   

On a side note, if you're in the Rockefeller Center area and need cheap eats, check out Bill's Bar and Burger.  They have awesome steak fries and an incredible beer selection. 

Countdown to Pineda Summer Conservatory and Fausto with power tools

For many of you, being stuck in a cement room no bigger than your average movie theatre with a hundred excited, hormonal teens for five hours a day is the very definition of hell on earth.  For the Pinedas, it's just business as usual.

Granted, things have improved greatly since we finally got air conditioning installed in the theatre last summer.  I still think back fondly to those first few summers, watching cast members pass out on stage during performances in 90 degree heat while wearing twenty pound wool costumes.  Ah, the good old days.

Since our crazy conservatory schedule coupled with my 9-to-5 literally allows me no vacation time (the European cruise with the family 2 years ago was the first time in over four years that I had more than a long weekend off), I revel in the freedom of my three weeks working at the summer conservatory.  And by freedom I mean not having to check my email every five minutes and the luxury of wearing shorts and tank tops to work.

With the first day of classes beginning next Monday, we're in full panic mode with preparations (mainly the mental kind).  Last weekend, we spent a day in the theatre to get a head start on set building.  Yes, Fausto and power tools - a combination that must be seen to be believed.  I'm actually quite handy with a jigsaw, thank you very much.

To see my handiwork onstage (hint - that coral reef didn't grow itself) you'll have to check out Spotlight Theatre Program's production of Disney's The Little Mermaid Jr in a couple of weeks.

Waiting for Godot (2/23)

It’s taken awhile, but I’m finally getting around to talking about Godot (which I guess I’ve been mispronouncing for the last half century or so - according to this production GOD-oh). Oddly, this is the first time I’ve seen the play staged. It’s weird, because it’s always talked about so academically that you sort of forget it’s supposed to be entertainment. Well, I guess some would argue that it’s not. While some snooty types - you know who you are - spout meaningless crap they regurgitate from their college lit classes to make them feel better about themselves. But intellectual mumbo jumbo aside, I found Godot funnier than I remembered and also surprisingly frustrating (in a good way) in that you’re constantly left expecting something to happen even though you know damn well Godot is never gonna’ show up. It’s also a play you definitely need to actively watch, meaning it’s no Legally Blond or Little Mermaid where you can sort of let all the frothiness wash over you and you’ll still get the gist of it.

For a play where “nothing happens”, there sure is a lot of talking. I honestly left wondering how Lane and Irwin managed to memorize the whole damn thing. Lane still pushes his usual shtick, but in measured doses. He’s either chosen to repress his “sarcastic New York Jew” gene (yes, I know that will offend some of you, but come on, you knew exactly what I meant when you read it) or the director’s holding some nasty lewd-Lane internet pics (eww) over his head. It gives me hope that Lane’s more than a one-trick pony - granted it’s a very entertaining pony. Naturally, Irwin’s physicality was extraordinary but I sometimes found his line readings odd, leaving some strange pauses in the middle of lines - nothing too bothersome - maybe a character choice? I realized Goodman was a large man, but my, he’s huge! But his imposing physical stature lent itself to the blustery, self-importance of his character. John Glover is, well, scary as hell and looks like an extra from the Night of the Living Dead. Though silent for most of his performance, his nuanced physical portrayal spoke volumes.

Roadshow

Experiencing a new Sondheim show, you realize just how inadequate other modern composers are. Roadshow may not be the next Sweeney Todd, but it’s like pizza, even when it’s bad it’s good. And it’s not bad either, it’s just not Sondheim’s most brilliant work. After being brainwashed into believing that corporate-churned modern spectacles are “quality” and that pop scores with generalized, unspecific lyrics are adequate; listening to the intricacies and nuances of a Sondheim score/lyrics is almost like experiencing a musical theatre multiple orgasm after having subsisting on a steady diet of boring, drink-induced, pity f*cks. It’s almost criminal that we let such mediocre fare, like Legally Blonde and The Little Mermaid - both shows that I don’t necessarily dislike, but could have been much better - become representative of the modern Broadway musical. But I’m ranting way off topic here.

Like most of Sondheim’s oeuvre, at first reading, the story doesn’t exactly scream out to be musicalized: the relationship of two brothers turned conmen who lose their fortunes on risky schemes and bad business decisions. But again, Sondheim makes a detailed and interesting case study of the brothers’ psyches and explores how their deeply destructive relationship develops over a series of soured relationships and business ventures. All the while incorporating humor, interest and just the slightest bit of pity (although not much) for these unsavory characters.

The tone and style of the show are reminiscent of Pacific Overtures and Assassins in that the structure, though loosely linear, is a series of vignettes illuminating the high and low points of both brothers’ lives. There are some wonderfully melodic and touching songs, notably, “The Best Thing That Has Ever Happened to Me,” sung by Addison and his lover.

Lyrically, Sondheim is still untouchable. He makes everyone else sound like elementary school students forced to write poetry for class. His rhyme schemes are never obvious and are always unexpected - unlike most modern day composers, whose rhymes you can spot a mile away. All the while, he creates lyrics that are character, time and situation specific.

The cast is uniformly excellent and both Michael Cerveris and Alexander Gemignani, as Wilson and Addison Mizner, respectively, turn in believably nuanced portrayals. Not usually a fan of Gemignani, I found him likeable and extremely believable as the well-intentioned, but self-destructive brother. Through the show, I grew jealous of the ensemble of actor-singers who had the pleasure of interpreting Sondheim’s lyrics.

My only regret is that our country’s greatest living theatre composer may not be for long. Nearly 80, his output has vastly dwindled in the last few years. Here’s hoping he can churn out at least a show or tow more before departing.

Archive: Reviews fr 2007 - Links

Make Me A Song (Off-Broadway)
The Little Mermaid (Broadway)
Die Zauberflote (Met)
La Traviata (Met)

Reviews - 2013

• Macbeth (Bway)
• Romeo and Juliet (Bway)
• Two Boys (Met)
• Fun Home (OB)
• Merrily We Roll Along (London/Movie Showing)
• Big Fish (Bway)
• The Glass Menagerie (Bway)
• The Nance (Bway)
• Nobody Loves You (OB)
• Pippin (Bway)
• The Little Mermaid (Paper Mill)
• Here Lies Love (OB)
• Into The Woods (McCarter)
• Far From Heaven (OB)
• Orphans (Bway)
• The Trip To Bountiful (Bway)
• Audra McDonald (Avery Fisher)
• The Last 5 Years (OB)
• Jekyll & Hyde (Bway)
• Passion (OB)
• Totem (Citi Field)
• It's a Bird...It's a Plane...It's Superman (Encores)
• Cinderella (Bway)
• Hands On A Hardbody (Bway)
• Annie (Bway)
• Nice Work If You Can Get It (Bway)
• Golden Age (OB)
• Evita (Bway)
• Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (Bway)

Christmas with the Pinedas OR Things You Should Never Do With Your Mother

Above:  What I like to call the "Magic Mike" effect.

I have just two words for you, dear readers - Magic Mike. 

Thankful for Santa’s generosity and our hearts brimming with joy in celebration of Jesus’ birth, the Pineda and Sieracki clans gathered around the flat screen on Christmas afternoon for some additional family bonding time.  We decided to pop in the DVD of Magic Mike that Juan and Val had given Trish for her birthday earlier in the month.  I know, it’s not exactly holiday fare, but who wouldn’t want to spend the afternoon with a bevy of loveable male strippers? 

We’d laughed and ogled at the hilarious previews in the theatre, so we thought, “How bad could it be?”  At worst, we’d be in for a reverse-gender Showgirls-type catastrophe and have a few laughs.  At best, we might discovery a hidden gem a la Pretty Woman.

We should have pressed “eject” the moment Channing Tatum’s bare (though lovely) ass strutted across the screen and Olivia Munn’s perky breasts shone into our unshielded eyes. 

Nothing says Christmas like the sight of an engorged male member in a penis pump stretched across the widescreen in high definition blu-ray, am I right ladies?   My only consolation is that I don’t think my mom even realized what she was seeing.  Luckily, the movie cut to the next disturbing scene of drug abuse and wife-swapping before she had a chance to ask any questions.  Awkward. 

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think Magic Mike is necessarily a bad movie.  In fact, under different circumstances - i.e. not watching it on Christmas day with your mom - I would have better appreciated this surprisingly stark and brutal representation of the male stripper industry. 

Matthew McConaughey was born to play sleazy and there’s a reason Channing Tatum is People’s "Sexiest Man Alive."  But from the movie previews, you’d think Magic Mike was just a more hunky version of The Full Monty.  Oh well, live and learn.  Next year we'll just pop in The Little Mermaid.  Prince Eric is pretty foxy.

Click here to read more about the Pineda's (g-rated) holiday.

Newsies!

Newsies
Papermill Playhouse
Saturday, Oct 1, 2:00 PM performance

Newsies hits the “big 2” musical theatre audience demographic - gay men and tween-age girls.  Seriously though, who doesn’t like a stage full of handsome, young, muscular men dancing and flipping around a stage?  The director knows his audience, so the very first scene with all the “boys” features several shirtless Abercrombie & Fitch-types shaving.  Funny they should be shaving when they all appear to be completely hairless otherwise.  Not that I’m complaining. 

Disney’s latest effort almost makes up for the overblown and badly conceived The Little Mermaid from a few seasons back (though I still have a straight crush on Sierra Boggess - that voice!).  This time, Disney creatives have actual human characters to work with and a story set against a real historical event, no roller skates or weird hand puppets this go around.  From the audience reaction (wildly enthusiastic applause and several mid-song ovations), it seems Newsies is a hit with audiences.

From my front row, center mezzanine seat (jealous much?), I witnessed a slick, streamlined production that takes the best elements from the movie while retaining the spirit and energy of the cult film classic.

Jeremy Jordan has that indescribable “it” factor as well as a freakishly high, clean voice that is thrilling in the first act closing reprise of “Santa Fe.”  His newly created love interest (not in the movie) is a spunky pre-feminist, Katherine Plumber, played by Kara Lindsay.  Though the chemistry with Jordan is there, she seemed to be pushing vocally - at least at the performance I attended.  Otherwise, she’s a great actress and incredibly likeable in a role that could easily slip into “bitch” territory.

Some reviews describe the set as “ugly,” but I think it’s completely satisfactory and conveys the many and varied scene changes swiftly and economically.  I didn’t mind the projections and thought they were used tastefully and sparingly enough to evoke each location.

The choreography was out of control in a good and bad way.  Not much of it is character-driven, but it was so athletic and energetic, you couldn’t help but be impressed and excited.  I only wish it was more show-specific and not so much dance recital “show-off”-y.  Though Ryan Steele can do no wrong.

Broadway bound?  So it seems from insiders.  But I think it would be a mistake to move it without Jordan who’ll be starring in Bonnie and Clyde on Broadway beginning next month.  What’s the rush?  Wait for the fall and have a big-ass opening in the new season.  Let Jordan have back-to-back Tony nominations.

I heart Audra!

Her concert at NJPAC Saturday night was truly amazing. I honestly couldn’t stop smiling the entire evening. I was giddy like a 12 year old at a Hannah Montana concert. Two hours of solo material and two encores were just not enough for this Audra-phile. Did I mention that I LOVE Audra? Yes, I’m obsessed. Not in a John Hinckley way, but in more of an Altarholics way. It’s not like I want a lock of her hair or her toenail clippings, but I haven’t missed a NYC performance since her first magnificent (getting tired of the hyperbole? Too bad, it’s gonna’ keep on coming) performance on Broadway in Carousel. That’s actually a lie. I skipped Raisin in the Sun on principle because of the casting of Diddy/P Diddy/Puff Daddy/Puffy/Sean Combs -whatever the hell he goes by now - in the leading role. Really, how many name changes can one go through before coming off as just plain silly? Can you say identity crisis? And if you’re going to change your name, why would you choose “Puffy”? Anyway, witnessing the perfection that is Audra - did I mention that I LOVE Audra? - didn’t come without its trials. Trish and I risked life and limb to venture into downtown Newark, which resembles those old black and white pictures of seedy 42nd Street from the 70’s with all the prostitutes and crack heads. “If you got rid of those homeless people, these building would be so pretty,” was Trish’s reaction to our downtown excursion as I checked to make sure the car doors were locked.

The reason I’m obsessed with Audra is that she is such an incredible actress whose acting never interferes with the quality of her singing. She never “sacrifices” her sound for the performance, yet still manages to act circles around most other actresses and singers. She can make you cry with her performance, but if you closed your eyes, you would swear you’re listening to a studio recording. It’s not that I mind when a singer compromises some vocal quality for the sake of truthful performance, it just seems like Audra doesn’t need to. And in my lifetime of theater-going, there are scant few who have this ability (maybe Carolee Carmelo? I’m obsessed with her, too, by the way, but I’ll gush over her the next time I see her perform - if you wanna’ be blown away, see her on Youtube singing “Do You See What I See” but listen all the way through). Anyway, if you’ve never seen Audra perform or listened to a recording, go to Amazon.com and order any one of her CD’s and I’m sure you’ll be brainwashed into the Audra-cult. Don’t fight it, give in! Did I mention that I LOVE Audra? And if possessing a flawless voice and impeccable acting chops were not enough, she’s also gorgeous. I think she’s my straight crush.

As far as Saturday’s concert, she performed songs from Broadway musicals and movie musicals with a full orchestra. Although she didn’t stray far from the classics - R&H, Lerner & Loewe, Harold Arlen, Sondheim and Styne - she did veer into the realms of contemporary Broadway with selections by Jason Robert Brown, Adam Guettel, Michael John LaChuisa and some contemporary jazz arrangements of classics (“Edelweiss”, “Over the Rainbow”). Her audience banter between songs was casual and relaxed, mainly personal stories of her career and family life, although she did seem to be pulling some of the anecdotes out of her ass. But this only added to a more intimate feeling in the cavernous 2,500 seat PAC. Next up, Broadway Musicals of 1954 at Town Hall with my other semi-obsession, Sierra Boggess aka "The Little Mermaid".

[TOS]

I wasn't sure if my "little show that could" would work in a Broadway house. Even in a "small" Broadway house like the Lyceum. Actually, I'm still not sure if the show stands up if you're not in the first few rows of the orchestra (Trish and I were in the third row, center orchestra). It's so intimate and cozy that I'm afraid some of the charm is probably lost in the mezzanine. And the balcony? Fuggedaboutit. When it played the Vineyard Off-Broadway last year, the theater was so small that you could literally make eye contact with all the actors from anywhere in the house. It was like having a bunch of your theater friends over for brunch, hanging out and just shooting the sh*t about life and the biz. Now it's on "The Broadway" and people are paying a hundred bucks a pop! That's some mark-up from the Andrew Jackson I gave up for a Vineyard ticket. For you [TOS] virgins, the show is a meta-musical about two guys writing a musical about two guys writing a musical. It's full of self-referential jokes, insider theater gossip and obscure theater references - the perfect show for any theater queen or performer.

The first forty minutes are as clever, funny and wacky as I remembered from the show's previous incarnation. The only differences I could spot were a line here and there, originally spoken, now set to music. Frankly, the newly musicalized dialogue wasn't really an improvement as much as perhaps some producer saying, "You need to change something for the Broadway run." Even as a fan, I have to say, the getting-to-Broadway medley section was on the dull side and rather tedious except for the Sutton Foster replacement section. That juicy bit of insider information introduced a darker, more dramatic element that I think the piece was lacking in it's previous run. It also provided some honest to goodness conflict between the "characters" - in quotes since the actors play themselves. It's nice to know that these BFF's can get just as nasty as the rest of us. The performances are still surprisingly fresh considering the long Off- and Off-Off Broadway runs. Everyone seemed genuinely in the moment and nothing felt fake or insincere. My two fave moments remain "Die, Vampire" and "Way Back to Then." Heidi still sound f*ckin' amazing, fresh from her stint at Mermaid. The answering machine messages are still fun, especially the ones from LuPone and Ebersole.

I just wonder how long an insider musical can run when half the jokes are based on theater trivia only us diehards know about? I mean, there's a joke about Mary Stout getting hit by a hot dog cart, for God's sake. How many theater insiders even know who Mary Stout is? And if you do, you definitely are a hardcore theater whore (and the target demographic for this show). I'm sure I'll end up seeing it at least 2 or 3 more times (unless it hastily closes) through TDF or through rush tickets at a more reasonable $30.

FYI - definitely check out the podcasts of the [title of show] Show on http://www.titleofshow.com/. Especially the Christmas special and the episode about replacement casting.