Dream cast in the wrong musical...

The best thing I can say about Roundabout’s current revival of Bye Bye Birdie is that the theater renovation is beautiful. And the bathroom sinks - gorgeous. It’s a sad day in the theater when the bathroom hardware gets higher praise than the production on stage.

In a word, this production is misguided - bad casting, uninspired choreography (save the opening telephone sequence) and unimaginative staging. I can’t help lay blame on the director, Robert Longbottom. Having enjoyed his previous work in Side Show and Flower Drum Song, it’s baffling how there can be so many misfires throughout this production.

The cast is working like hell to keep their heads above water. Bill Irwin, whom I usually love, is just plain crazy (and not in a good way), going in and out of weird accents and employing a disturbing physicality for Mr. MacAfee, sometimes appearing as if he’s experiencing a petit mal seizure. It’s like he’s trying to make up for the director’s shortcomings through sheer force of his performance. And it doesn’t help matters that he sings painfully off pitch in the close harmonies of “Ed Sullivan.”

Poor Gina Gershon. She’s no Chita. I will say she’s stunningly gorgeous on stage and works her tight little ass off, but she can’t really dance or sing. Hello! - did the production team not read the character breakdown? I will give her an “A” for effort, though.

John Stamos is woefully miscast as Albert. Thick glasses and slicked down hair do not a nerd make. The man is hot and there’s no way anyone buys that he’s some nerdy everyman. Though he has a surprisingly pleasant singing voice, he’s not much of hoofer. His discomfort through the dance break of “Put On a Happy Face” was obvious and I instinctively gripped my knees and sunk deeper into my seat in embarrassment for him.

Teen star Nolan Funk has the sex appeal of a stapler. I’m sure he’s a wonderful person and on a more intimate medium like TV his appeal is more obvious, but on stage, not so much. Again, he was trying real hard, but swiveling hips in and of itself is not sexy. Even his underwear scene barely registered. Stamos in his underwear - now that what’ve gotten my attention.

Allie Trimm’s got the perfect look and voice for Kim, but is too young and inexperienced to pull a great performance out of Longbottom’s lackluster direction. I loved her in 13, but here she’s simply adequate.

Talented Dee Hoty is wasted as Mrs. MacAfee. But her and Irwin look like Kim’s grandparent’s. Her grounded and honest characterization (thank you) existed in a parallel universe opposite Irwin’s cartoonish ticks.

Matt Doyle’s Hugo and Jayne Houdyshell’s Mae are the only leads that rise above it all. Doyle is endearing and loveable and made me wish Hugo had his own song. Houdyshell’s bigger than life racist mamma was manipulative and nasty. You laugh and cringe at the same time. And though you can’t quite bring yourself to love her, you at least understand where she’s coming from.

The talented ensemble works their asses off and manages to make some of the mediocre choreography and musical staging appear better than it should. Nothing, whoever, could help “A Lot Of Livin' To Do.” Wow. They need to scrap the whole number and just start from scratch. The odd, unsynchronized jumping and twisted body positions are just plain weird. The number should have the unbridled excitement of West Side’s “Cool” or “Dance at the Gym.” Instead, it seemed liked the choreographer ran out of ideas and was just trying to mark time until the dance music ran out.

The candy colored sets and costumes are playfully retro and give us a hint of the fun that should inhabit the rest of the production. My one gripe - why is Rosie wearing black character shoes with an all white wedding dress in the final scene!? That’s just plain wrong. And I won’t even get into the body mic fiasco during Spanish Rose. Someone crazy glue that sucker into her wig. The poor woman was getting whip marks on her chest and back from that thing flailing around.

It may be telling that in this age of instant standing ovations, a good chunk of the audience, including me, politely remained seated during the curtain call.

Lest you think I’m trashing the entire production, the “Talk to Me” quartet sounded magnificent. Were the quality of the rest of the production on par with that musical tidbit, we’d have a hell of a revival.

This is a dream cast in the wrong musical.

The originals, Chita and Dick and...

...the new, if not wholly improved revival couple, Gina and John.