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Audition Hell: A recollection of my very worst audition experiences. You're welcome!
Remember way back in 1996 when there was that big uproar at Equity because Les Mis was going to fire most of the existing Broadway company? The production team thought the cast of the already 9-year-old show was suffering from long-run-itis and they wanted to inject the company with some fresh blood (not to mention that many of the actors cast in their 30s were now in their 40s and still playing students).
Like every other singer/actor within a 1000 mile radius of NYC, I signed up for the ECC. I showed up and waited all day to get my 30 seconds of face time with who I assumed was some lowly intern made to sit through a day of Les Miz auditions as part of some sick casting agent hazing ritual. But lo and behold, a few days later I received a callback for that upcoming weekend at the historic 890 Broadway building (once owned by Michael Bennett).
I should have known something was up due to the odd scheduling and audition location. But I was young and stupid. I showed up at the audition set to sing "No More" from Into the Woods. I know, horrible choice, but in my youthful arrogance I thought I was going to wow them with my cerebral choice of Sondheim.
Anyway, the monitor approached me and the two other people who had been called during my time slot. He handed us a sheet of paper and said, "Here's who's in the room today." It read:
Cameron Mackintosh, Producer
John Caird, Director
Claude-Michel Schonberg, Music
Alain Boublil, Book
There were more names, but I had tunnel vision and everything around those names was just a blur. One of my audition companions appropriately uttered, "Holy shit!" under her breath. And I nearly did wholely shit my pants on the spot. This could possibly be the single most important audition of my life.
I entered a cavernous room with the world's longest table set-up. There were literally dozens of people sitting behind it all smiling politely at me. Standing and leaning against the piano was a distinguished gentlemen who appeared to be reading my resume.
"Hi Fausto. I'm John Caird. How are you today?"
I almost soiled my panties a second time. He then proceeded to ask me questions about my family, about my schooling and other random personal questions. After what seemed like hours (probably 2 minutes tops), he asked me to sing.
I showed the accompanist my cuts, walked back to my spot, nodded and listened to the intro.
"No more ques-(voice cracks)-tions, please..."
Yes, in front of the entire Les Mis creative team I did the one thing I have never, ever done during an audition (before or since). It wasn't even a high note. But it was too late. I was mortified. I completely lost focus and could only think about that one splattered note through the whole audition. In my defense, I was only a few years out of school and didn't have the experience or emotional fortitude to just shrug it off and I'm sure it showed.
I finished my song and Mr. Caird gave me a polite "thank you."
Holding back tears I fled the building dejected. At the time I thought my professional life was over, so I just went home to cry and eat Ben & Jerry's.
Epilogue: Since that first fateful audition, I eventually got my shit together and was called in several times for Les Mis (including a couple of times specifically for Marius). I never booked it, but I guess that splat wasn't as horrible as I thought. Either that, or casting agents have very short memories.
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