Finally, the holidays are officially over and I’m 15 pounds heavier (Valerie Bertinelli has nothing on me)! Time to get my rapidly expanding ass back to the gym before I develop what my fellow actor-turned-corporate-slave friend, Peter has described as “Banker Butt.” Example: “That dashing, young, dimpled VP was so cute as he approached my desk. But after anxiously waiting for him to pass by in order to check out his assets, my enthusiasm quickly deflated when it became obvious he had developed a severe case of Banker Butt.”
Although I changed my gym membership - or as my friend Chris grudgingly refers to as the mandatory NYC fat tax - to reflect my new corporate discount, I have yet to actually throw on a pair of sneakers or break a sweat. And why do the people who make the most money, i.e. investment bankers, get the biggest discounts while the poor actor slobs whose business depends on looking good get a whopping $5/month discount? Whatever, the fact is I’m fat, so back to the treadmill! Perhaps gorging myself every day for the last two weeks with my only exercise being the walk from my couch to the fridge to the toilet - although I’m sure I completed at least five or six laps an evening - has something to do with it. There is also something mildly disconcerting about the fact that I can only really enjoy watching my favorite reality show “The Biggest Loser” while eating a huge bowl of pasta.
Anyway, I won’t bore you with Christmas and New Year’s details since nothing really interesting happened anyway. Just a run of the mill Christmas with the family - opening presents in front of the TV and eating voraciously. New Year’s was spent with Trish and one of our favorite relatives, Papa John. We ate, we watched the ball drop and we were comfortably in bed by 12:03 AM. Lest you take pity on me, it was exactly the kind of uneventful evening I had planned. Next week all hell breaks loose as we begin auditioning for our productions of Oklahoma!, Pirates and Les Mis, begin rehearsals for Butterfly, complete plans for our new summer musical theatre conservatory, and slap together a benefit or two for the opera company.
I would also like to take this time to say good-bye to another year of the dancing elves. They will be safely stored in the digital universe until we dust them off once again next year.
See the Pineda Elves dance one last time!
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