Kathy Griffin

Y’all know I’m a fan of K-Griff’s (that’s my made up rap-name for my girl) "My Life on the D-List," but I’d never seen her perform live. Cynic that I am, of course I had some reservations. Is she really as funny as she seems on TV or is she just a product of brilliant editing? Can you really sustain an audience’s interest throughout an evening solely based in trash talk, complaining and gossip-mongering (actually, I know the answer is “yes” based on most social events I attend in the city - at least the ones skewed toward the gay demographic)? Did I want to attend her stand-up act only to be disappointed and have my idealized vision of Kathy’s quick wit and brilliant bitchiness forever destroyed? What if she actually sucks? What if she’s just not that funny? I mean, my friends are some of the cattiest bitches around. I have some friggin’ high standards when it comes to trash talk. So with extreme excitement and just a touch of trepidation, lest I witness the downfall of a personal icon, Trish and I headed to ghetto chic downtown Newark and the NJPAC.

First of all, I have never seen so many faggots in downtown Newark ever. I’m sure there were plenty of “WTF?’s” from the locals as well as from the staff at NJPAC. I mean, a Village People concert is probably less gay than Kathy’s audience. But girlfriend, the Jersey gays are not NYC gays, that’s for damn sure. I’ve always prided myself in not being one of those cookie cutter homos who is overly judgmental and all about style over substance. If you doubt that, ask Chris and Dan about having to pry my ten-year-old cargo pants from my death grip. I still feel the hole in my heart and in my closet. And don’t even get Trish started on my dress socks. I mean, who sees your socks anyway? But seriously, the Jersey gays do not know how to dress. You’re going to an event at NJPAC, for God’s sake! I mean, I’m not saying you need to break out the tux, but don’t look like a homeless person. Have some dignity, people. We have a reputation to uphold. And fag hags, and I mean that as a term of endearment, please buy clothes that fit you - not the size you wish you were. And I’m really not being mean. I’ve definitely packed on the pounds in the last year, but I don’t try to force my fat ass into size 32’s anymore.

Well, I’m happy to report that Kathy did not disappoint. Again, the reason her trash comedy works is that she always genuinely seems to mean what she says. If she likes someone, she’s unabashedly honest about it. If someone bothers her, she doesn’t give a f*ck who knows it. I think her true appeal is that secretly, most people wish they could be as open and honest as she is all the time.

My only complaint is that the show started way late and our seats were in the Himalayas. We could barely even see Kathy. For all I know, it was a midget in drag lip-synching to a recording. Of course, that’s my fault, since I was being a cheap skate that weak and opted for the nosebleeds. And talk about vertigo, I nearly threw up all over the lovely couple sitting next to me. A straight couple. Yes, there were a few of those in the audience as well. Straights need their comedy, too.