HSM Audtions and Oprah

Well, we’ve almost got a full cast for HSM. I have to admit, the auditions were pretty painful to sit through. Not because there was a lack of talent, but because teenagers (and 20- and 30-something’s who think they pass for teenagers) are freakishly obsessed with it and therefore set up unrealistic expectations for themselves. There are four leads. The chances are you’re not going to get cast as one. It’s not mean, it’s math. I’m not trying to dash young dreams, but a bit of a reality check may be in order. When I read the listings on Actors’ Equity, if the breakdown for a role doesn’t sound like a perfect fit for me, I’ll skip it or be resigned to use the audition to practice for a real audition that I know I’ll be perfect for. I, in no way, set up some strange unrealistic expectation that even though I’m too old, too fat, too ugly, too Asian or too [insert appropriate adjective here] for the role in question, my overwhelming talent will force the casting people to just overlook my physical shortcomings. We might as well start ‘em off early and let ‘em know that theatre is all about perception, with talent coming in a distant second (or even third).

I guess I’m being a bit of a jaded old queen, but it’s probably a result of all the turndowns we’ve been getting from perspective ensemble members. Everyone wants to be the star - yes, even humble little moi (I hear you all snickering) - but it’s so depressing to be rejected by our second and even third choices who I'm sure are simply outraged at not being offered lead roles (see above paragraph). Get over it people! Hilary did. The lead in your little production of Gypsy at Random NJHS does not make you a Broadway star. Big-fish-small-pond syndrome is not attractive. So what started out as excitement at the thought of having an incredible supporting ensemble, has now morphed into growing panic. I know it will work out in the end, but it still doesn’t squelch that dream for my ideal cast.

The whole situation reminds me of the story my friend, Chris, told me about his first day of rehearsals for Troika’s national tour of Grease (which, incidentally, I joined about five months into its run when the cast started dropping like flies, but I’ll save those stories for a day when I’m really strapped for blog fodder). The cast gathered together and the producers warmly welcomed everyone by saying how pleased they were to have been able to cast all their “first choices.” Of course, the NYC theatre circle being the tiny zit that it is, everyone in the cast knew someone who had already turned it down! First choice, my ass! And still, it turned out to be a pretty darn good cast - until they all started jumping ship, of course.

So I guess the moral is that everything happens for a reason and that I should keep an open mind, stay positive. Ugh, I can’t believe I just typed that. I hate all that Oprah-esque bullsh*t, especially since she could buy the cast she wanted without even having an audition. I wish I was Oprah, or at least had Oprah’s stock portfolio.