As I climbed over dozens of knees to get to my prime front mezzanine center seat, I notice the gentlemen next to me flashing a big, goofy smile. Out of the corner of my eye I see him continually glancing over at me, checking me out, and I immediately go into avoidance mode - picking through my bag, pretending to read texts on my phone, folding and re-folding my coat - but to no avail. "Hi there. How are you?" Ugh. Why do I always end up next to some creepy old queen trying to pick me up? "Fine, thank you" I politely answer and then pretend to be engrossed in my Playbill. "So where are you from?" Can he not read my very blatant signals? "Astoria," I meekly smile. But I've clearly just opened the door and he extends his hand, "Well, nice to meet you, I'm Paul." OK, enough already. I just came out tonight to hear some Kathy trash talk. I do not want to go on a first date with the lonely guy next to me. I politely take his hand and answer, "I'm Fausto." Now leave me alone. "God bless," he says. What!?!?That's the weirdest pick-up line I've ever heard. I shyly ask, "Where are you from?" "Abilene, Texas. It's my first time in New York City and I'm with my wife and daughter." He gestures to the tween next to him and then to a solid, but pleasant looking woman with big, southern blond hair in the next seat. She smiles and waves.
Oops. Have I become so self-absorbed and arrogant to think the only reason someone might start a conversation with me is because they are so dazzled by my good looks that they can't help but hit on me? I guess so. This excited tourist was just trying to make friendly southern small talk and I assumed he was some lonely looser at the Kathy Griffin show.
My Gaydar needs a definitely tune up. Anyway, after we got our little misunderstanding cleared up we spent the next ten minutes gossiping like long last girlfriends. He warned that I shouldn't bother seeing Bengal Tiger at the Baghdad Zoo - even with Robin Williams - because it was just awful and full of profanity. I asked him if he knew that every other word Kathy says is "fuck"? We're definitely besty's for life now.
As for Kathy, she was a hot mess - in a good way. She was wound tight like a crack whore on an all-night bender, skipping from pop culture topic to pop culture topic, often interrupting her own story to follow some unrelated tangent and then asking the audience to remind her to get back to the original story. The audience obliged, of course, randomly yelling out names and topics to get the comedienne back on track. The free-for-all atmosphere continued for two intermissionless hours.
Kathy's hilarious bio.
Kathy Griffin wants a Tony
Monday, March 14, 8pm performance
Belasco Theatre
1 comment:
This will probably scare you, but that family you sat next to were probably what's considered "liberal" in Abilene. Even here in TX, Abilene has a rep for being Conservative (with a capital C). Just that fact that they left the state and ventured into "Noo Yark City", and saw Bway shows(!) probably marks them as Abilene "progressives"! People never cease to amaze...
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