Happy belated T-day! Gobble, gobble

Well, I've finally found some time to update. I can't believe how much sh*t's happened since my last non-review entry before Thanksgiving. It's all a nauseating blur. I'll just run down the bullet points.

I flew to Richmond the night before Thanksgiving. It was my first time home in over a year. We released mom from her oven shackles, unbuttoned our pants and went to a local buffet. Why did we never do this before? I mean, you can sleep in, eat all the turkey, ham and trimmings you want and you don't have to clean a single dish. Genius. The rest of the day was spent wallowing in gastric pain and watching really bad TV - a perfect holiday scenario.

Since we lazed around the house all day, we decided last minute to make a Black Friday run to the outlet mall in Williamsburg, VA, which opened its doors at midnight. As it turned out, we were one of thousands of families that thought this was somehow a good idea. Even before we got to the exit, it was stand still traffic miles away from the shops and it was friggin' 12 o' clock at night! When we finally got to the entrance of the mall, all the parking lots were full and barricaded closed. So we had no choice but to turn around and drive back to Richmond. Three hours later and empty handed, we arrived back home. Everyone decided to get up at 4am and head out to the stores. I decided to go to bed and not get up until my bladder forced me.

Since Juan, Val, Trish and Billy (Trish's best friend from Richmond who recently moved to Astoria) had driven to Richmond earlier in the week, I road-tripped back with them rather than fly. The ride was uneventful, unless you'd call a painful case of nearly explosive diarrhea an "event." Soon after getting home, I realized I had gotten some crazy food poisoning or caught a stomach virus. So I ended up missing Sunday's all day tech rehearsal for HSM. I'm not sure what's worse, ten hours of tech or ten hours on the toilet.

Anyway, the rest of the week was spent at my daily 9 to 5 and commuting back and forth to NJ for rehearsals. I would not recommend this schedule for anyone trying to recuperate from illness. One five-show weekend later, I'm finally feeling better. I dropped off 20 pounds of dirty laundry (literally), cleaned all the dishes in the sink and cleared the debris from my living room floor. I'm finally returning to the land of civilized behavior just in time to start rehearsals for our Holiday concert, prepare for Carmen rehearsals and finish up the run of HSM with a six-show weekend. Yippee!!!

Me feeling bloated and nauseous after way too much turkey and stuffing.

Rehearsals, rehearsals, rehearsals

At the moment, my life seems like one never-ending rehearsal of revolving shows, casts and production teams. I’ve just finished an excruciatingly painful week of rehearsals and run-throughs with what amounts to basically a 90-minute piece of fluff (High School Musical). The truly sad part of it all is that it isn’t in better shape, considering we started rehearsals in SEPTEMBER! Granted, there have been some breaks and it’s not like we rehearse everyday, but still, three months is an awfully long time for what amounts to a cheesy after school special. Hamlet it ain’t.

I might get busted on this one, but I think a lot of the blame goes to the rehearsal schedule. Of course, I should have spoken up. But hey, what can you do? I mean, 30 seconds of choreograph can potentially take half an hour to teach while a corresponding 30 seconds of dialogue may take five minutes. That’s a 6:1 ratio that wasn’t remotely reflected in the rehearsal breakdown. But then again, how many cast members have a nearly 2 hour commute each way to rehearsal? Anyone…anyone? No one? Well, me, for one. So I wasn’t exactly begging to have additional rehearsals added to the schedule. For perspective, Val schedules an hour or two of initial rehearsal time per ensemble number for our operas. Operas! And believe me, there ain’t a lot of full out dance breaks in Puccini.

A lot of the HSM “songs” - and I use the term loosely - straddle the line between requiring blocking and/or musical staging. Here’s where some major miscommunication took place. I really think we (the director and I) assumed the other was “blocking” certain numbers, so when we finally got to the run-throughs it was like, “Oh, I thought you were doing that?” Big time, “oops.” Anyway, it looks as though it will all work out.

This is the director’s first big show at the helm, so she seemed a bit stressed out when some dance numbers seemed a bit shaky. And by shaky, I mean fell apart completely. But, hell, It’s not uncommon for a Pineda Production to have its first full run-through on opening night. So compared to that, I guess we’re way ahead of the game. Wait until I decide to re-choreograph the entire opening number before the final run-through. Kidding - well, only half-kidding.

Merry Widow is finally over and I can start getting six hours of sleep a night instead of four. Yeah! Performances were well-received and the houses, though not sold out, were full. Our Widow, Christina Rohm, pretty much kicked everyone’s ass on the stage. She sang gorgeously and was the only one of the “professional” singers that gave a full, sincere character portrayal. Not that I’m dumping on the other leads, but she was the only one who seemed to back up an over-the-top comedic performance with real emotional honesty - not an easy task given our admittedly skimpy rehearsal schedule. Carmen’s coming up in four months and already the phone’s ringing like crazy for tickets. What’s up with that? I guess sex and murder really do speak to the American public, at least in NJ. Hmmm, what does that say about Jersey?

Driving back from High School Musical rehearsal last night, I realized that my commute back and forth to the theatre was nearly equal to the length of the actual rehearsal time. I thought to myself, “Am I just a dedicated artist, committed to enriching our young people through the arts, or just plain stupid?” And no need to comment, it was rhetorical. I know what most of you jaded biyatches are going to say anyway.

Speaking of HSM, it’s hard to believe that we’ve been rehearsing for nearly 3 months and we’re still behind with staging and music. Who would have thought that a ninety-minute piece of substandard (though I have to admit there are some insanely catchy tunes) music theatre could take so long to get on its feet? We still have a couple of weeks, so I’m staying positive.

I know my last couple of blog entries have been bitch and moan sessions, but my schedule does lighten up a little - very little - now that Widow’s dead and buried. But now comes the dreaded (cue ominous underscoring) Holiday Season!! Eeeeeek!!! Sitting at the Outback Steakhouse Sunday night (yeah, classy, I know) after we - meaning the Pineda’s and a handful of loyal opera company folk (thanks Glasser-Bakers, Loves and Chris Grimm) - struck the Widow set, we heard the familiar jingle of sleigh bells and a sickly-sweet, generic soprano start singing, “…have yourself a merry little etc.…” I threw up a little in my mouth. And bloomin’ onion does not go down well the second time. I mean, really?! It’s the first week of November! Can we at least get through the horror of Thanksgiving first? I ended up getting pounded with Holiday Spirit the next night, too, having been stuck running a rehearsal for the Caroling company I’ve worked with for the past several years. Nothing like two hours of non-stop a capella Christmas Caroling to bring out the Scrooge in you.

Anyway, a busy week continues with weekend HSM rehearsals and a list of shows we (the Pineda's!) must go see. And I don’t mean the NYC variety (although Trish and I are seeing What’s That Smell tonight), but the do-your-penance variety. One necessary evil of having so many talented students spread out over many different schools is that you can’t discriminate as to which productions you’re going to see. If you make it to one school’s production, you have to at least make an effort to go to see all the other ones. Of course, it doesn’t help that schools seem to schedule all their shows on the same two weekends! So it looks like it’ll be Museum at Westfield High on Saturday and Forum at Somerset County on Sunday afternoon. Peace out, homies.

Young at Heart

Watched a great documentary last night, Young at Heart, about a chorus of senior citizens in Northampton, MA that perform pop music. Wow, these are 70, 80 and 90 year olds gettin' their groove on! Embarassing for me, considering I was just complaining how tired I was from holding dance callbacks the other week for High School Musical. Even more embarassing, they're more hip to current pop music than I am. I don't think I've ever even heard a Coldplay or Sonic Youth song until watching the movie. Shows how square I am.

Anyway, what struck me most was the emotional and lyrical clarity these performers were able to convey through stillness. I don't want to get all Stanislavski on your ass, but we so-called "professional" actors could learn alot from their delivery - honest, heartfelt and unobstructed by useless physicality. Granted, their delivery choice is mainly a result of old age, but that doesn't negate the validity of their performances. Watch and learn people.

HSM Audtions and Oprah

Well, we’ve almost got a full cast for HSM. I have to admit, the auditions were pretty painful to sit through. Not because there was a lack of talent, but because teenagers (and 20- and 30-something’s who think they pass for teenagers) are freakishly obsessed with it and therefore set up unrealistic expectations for themselves. There are four leads. The chances are you’re not going to get cast as one. It’s not mean, it’s math. I’m not trying to dash young dreams, but a bit of a reality check may be in order. When I read the listings on Actors’ Equity, if the breakdown for a role doesn’t sound like a perfect fit for me, I’ll skip it or be resigned to use the audition to practice for a real audition that I know I’ll be perfect for. I, in no way, set up some strange unrealistic expectation that even though I’m too old, too fat, too ugly, too Asian or too [insert appropriate adjective here] for the role in question, my overwhelming talent will force the casting people to just overlook my physical shortcomings. We might as well start ‘em off early and let ‘em know that theatre is all about perception, with talent coming in a distant second (or even third).

I guess I’m being a bit of a jaded old queen, but it’s probably a result of all the turndowns we’ve been getting from perspective ensemble members. Everyone wants to be the star - yes, even humble little moi (I hear you all snickering) - but it’s so depressing to be rejected by our second and even third choices who I'm sure are simply outraged at not being offered lead roles (see above paragraph). Get over it people! Hilary did. The lead in your little production of Gypsy at Random NJHS does not make you a Broadway star. Big-fish-small-pond syndrome is not attractive. So what started out as excitement at the thought of having an incredible supporting ensemble, has now morphed into growing panic. I know it will work out in the end, but it still doesn’t squelch that dream for my ideal cast.

The whole situation reminds me of the story my friend, Chris, told me about his first day of rehearsals for Troika’s national tour of Grease (which, incidentally, I joined about five months into its run when the cast started dropping like flies, but I’ll save those stories for a day when I’m really strapped for blog fodder). The cast gathered together and the producers warmly welcomed everyone by saying how pleased they were to have been able to cast all their “first choices.” Of course, the NYC theatre circle being the tiny zit that it is, everyone in the cast knew someone who had already turned it down! First choice, my ass! And still, it turned out to be a pretty darn good cast - until they all started jumping ship, of course.

So I guess the moral is that everything happens for a reason and that I should keep an open mind, stay positive. Ugh, I can’t believe I just typed that. I hate all that Oprah-esque bullsh*t, especially since she could buy the cast she wanted without even having an audition. I wish I was Oprah, or at least had Oprah’s stock portfolio.

HSM or My Secret Inspiration

I really don’t get the mass hysteria and appeal of High School Musical. I mean, yeah, it’s “current” as far as musical style and story (not), but come on. I’d rather hear a well written traditional score than a poorly written contemporary one. It’s not even that “contemporary.” Spring Awakening’s score is way more current. And, hello, you can sing “You Can’t Stop the Beat” from Hairspray over the chorus of “Status Quo.” Original? Not really. And that book. Sheesh, I’ve never heard any teenagers in our summer program speak like that. Ever. For me, the only saving graces are Sharpay and Ryan. They are so over-the-top and ridiculous that you can’t help but enjoy them. The other characters, not so much.

Believe me, I’m not saying that musicals are supposed to be the height of realism, but some things just don’t happen in real life, not even musical theatre real life. People auditioning for a show as a couple? Come on. Someone being shunned for playing the cello? Maybe in back woods Mississippi where they still walk to school barefoot, but at a contemporary, urban high school? I think not. Maybe my high school was weirdly ahead of its time, but in 1988, we did The Wiz and practically the entire school was in it, including most of the football and basketball team. So perhaps I just don’t “get it.”

Either way, I just don’t think it’s a well written piece. Even Grease, where you’d literally have to slip me a date-rape pill, hog tie me to a chair and ball gag me to sit through, at least has a tuneful score and tries to scratch (though barely) below the trite “peer-pressure-is-bad” message with references to teen pregnancy and underage drinking. Nothing in HSM even comes close to “We Go Together” (which “We’re all in This Together” is a terrible rip-off of), “Beauty School Drop-out” or “Worse Things I Can Do” as far as musical quality. “Ballad of Sweeney Todd” they are not, but they are solid musical theatre songs.

I know what you're thinking, "The kids love it. So who cares?" or "You're just an old fart" or maybe "F*ck you, I wanna' have Zac Efron's baby." Well get in line bitches. But really, why all the ranting? Why do I give a rats ass about HSM? Actually, I don’t, really. It’s just that now I’ll literally be bombarded by it for the next four months (I’m choreographing it for CDC Theatre), and I want to get all the hatred out of me before rehearsals start so I can smile and put on the happy face for all the kiddies in the cast. Trust me, I will in no way use this opportunity to display my HSM-phobic nature. On the contrary, I’m going to try my damn best to make the musical staging so ridiculously good that you won’t notice the material’s shortcomings. So I guess, in a way, HSM is inspiring me to do my best work. Yeah, that’s it. OK, now I think I can move on.