Blizzard, shmizzard…bring on the orphans! And tales of Times Square and mom jeans.

With Storm Nemo threatening to close down the city, Trish and I decided to throw caution to the wind and ignore Mayor Bloomberg’s warning to “stay off the city streets.”  Instead, we treated visiting Summer Conservatory staff member, Dylan Shelofsky, to a day in the gray-brown slush of a NYC snowstorm.  As a native Coloradan, we figured a couple feet of snow would barely impress, let alone hamper, Dylan’s mobility during her weekend trip to the Big Apple.

My Times Square office, on the other hand, was in full panic mode and dismissed us early.  Trish and I took advantage of my free afternoon and the uncharacteristic empty sidewalks to explore midtown with our visiting protégé.  Since Dylan is way too cool to have visited any of the usual Times Square tourist traps on previous trips, we decided to take advantage of the storm-thinned crowds to go full frontal tourist!

First stop?  The Hershey Store, of course.  Where else can you buy the same candy bar your local drug store carries and sells at half the price?!  At least they give out free samples.  Next, we headed across the street to M&M’s World where they somehow manage to fill three retail floors with M&M’s merchandise.  Did you know there’s an M&M military jeep dispenser?  Who knew?  Who buys?

Dylan and Trish enjoying the Ferris wheel.

With the snow piling up to nearly a whopping eighth of an inch, we bravely made our way to the TKTS booth.  All real New Yorkers know that the best time to get great seats for a Broadway show is during a snowstorm (or a Jewish holiday).  Since none of us had ever seen a professional mounting of Annie, we decided to fork over our cash to see that plucky red head just stick out her chin and grin and say…everyone sing!

We still had a couple of hours to kill before show time.  So our next stop was Toys R’ Us Times Square.  Now, I’m usually a cynic when it comes to the Times Square big box retail stores, but Toys R’ Us is definitely worth a stop if only for it’s full-sized ferris wheel and Barbie castle.

Usually, tickets to ride the ferris wheel are sold out by mid-day, but thanks to Storm Nemo’s threatening conditions, the store was practically empty and we were able to jump right on.  Sadly, Barbie’s castle was undergoing some renovation.  But even under construction, we were able to laugh and make disparaging comments about the Pink Label Edward and Bella Barbies on display.  I’m sure Kristen Stewart is lying at home wiping away tears of hurt with hundred dollar bills even as we speak.

An example of my indelible fashion sense.

Finally, we headed to my favorite Times Square retailer, Forever 21.  Yes, you read that correctly, Forever 21.  I know many of you look to me as a barometer of teen fashion, so I hesitantly give away my fashion secret weapon.  Given the day’s busy tourist schedule, however, I was in no mood to sift through racks of skinny-legged jeans.  And yes, I do see the irony of me considering purchasing “skinny” jeans given my healthy 38” waist, but style trumps function, says I.  (For those of you new to my blog or unaware of my “unique” sense of humor, that entire last paragraph was meant to be sarcastic.  It was only a few years ago that Trish had to pry my favorite pair of high-waisted mom jeans from my death grip.)

After a needed injection of Chai tea and a slice of chocolate banana bread from Starbucks - incidentally, one of the few stores still open in the wake of the “blizzard” - we headed to the Palace theatre hoping a gaggle of depression-era orphans might cheer us up on this cold, snowy evening.

Viewing the half empty theatre from our ninth row orchestra seats, it was obvious most citizens heeded Bloomberg’s advice.  But other than a late start, the show proceeded with a full cast (no understudies!).  As the old adage goes - the show must go on - even without an audience.  You can read my review here.

Blizzard of 2010 -- photos coming soon!

This morning was a commuting nightmare.  Thanks to the Blizzard of 2010, the Q train suspended service leaving me with only one subway line, the N train.  Of course, my stop - an outdoor platform - hadn't yet seen a shovel so this morning's throng of commuters were straddling the back metal wall for fear of slipping onto the tracks.  Misery breeds a weird sort of camaraderie between commuters and though trains were late and we were packed tighter than Adam Lambert's jeans, everyone seemed to just go with the flow.  I didn't really hear any complaining except for a singular outburst at the 59th street station when someone yelled, "Stop pushing."  Pretty tame for New Yorkers.

So here I am, at my desk and clocked-in five minutes late - not bad considering the 25 inches of snow on the ground.  But no matter, my floor is basically empty with only a few analysts and a handful of assistants at their desks.  I smell a long day of net surfing and online shopping. 

As for the rest of my holiday weekend, Saturday’s blizzard warning prompted mom and dad to adopt a wait-and-see stance before heading into the city.  I didn't want to get stranded in NJ for the rest of the week, so I headed out Sunday morning just as it was beginning to flurry - or as my malapropism-prone mother likes to say, flourish.  I guess everyone else had the same idea.  The NJ Transit bus was packed and already running 20 minutes late.  At least I didn't have to stand for the whole trip unlike some of the later boarders.  Exiting the NYC side of the Lincoln Tunnel it was clear the meteorologists got this one right - Mother Nature was gonna' take a massive dump on us. 

From Port Authority I opted for the subway rather than a cab in anticipation of some horrific weather-related traffic.  I'd already gotten a sneak peak on the bus ride in - four car accidents in less than 10 miles of highway between Union and Newark.  By the time I was finally off the subway and walking the last few blocks to my apartment there was at least an inch of snow on the ground.  Ignorant of the storm predictions, I had only packed smooth-soled dress shoes.  So you guessed it, I slipped and fell flat on my ass right in front of the Dunkin Donuts on 30th Avenue.  On reflection, this was probably a sign from God to stock up on munchkins and Boston crèmes for the long winter hibernation to come.  But as is often the case with divine revelation, I was too pre-occupied with anger, cursing and embarrassment to notice.  The moral of the story? - God wants me to eat more doughnuts. 

By six, it appeared I would be trapped in the apartment (alone - mom and dad wisely decided not to travel into the city) for at least the next day, so I threw on my boots and trekked to the Rite Aid for important supplies - toilet paper and Lindt chocolates.  Don’t judge.  They had the special Christmas flavors (of chocolate, not toilet paper - that would be just plain weird) at 50% off!  Obviously, God had given me a second chance to stock up on useless calories and at half price.  Can I get an "Amen"?

I also made a detour to Radio Shack to buy a memory card for my new video camera.  As soon as I figure out how to use it, I will post my blizzard photos.

I woke up Monday morning to a winter wonderland.  It was like a crack house threw up all over the street, only colder and without the syringes.  Ignoring the weatherman’s pleas to stay indoors, I strapped on my boots to see whether any other other idiots decided to venture out.  It seems Astoria is full of idiots because the streets were brimming with activity.  Sidewalks were being shoveled, cars were being un-buried (pardon the passive voice), dogs were shitting and kids were playing.  Plowing Queens (that sounds dirty) is obviously not a priority for the city since the side streets (i.e. my street) appeared impassable.  A few abandoned cars - I imagine the drivers got stuck in the snow and just gave up - created lovely arctic snowdrifts smack dab in the middle of the street.

I was surprised to find both the Key Food and Rite Aid open though under-manned.  I took this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to play King of the Grocery Store and shop the abandoned aisles.  This must be how Paris Hilton feels when they close the Cocaine Emporium on Rodeo Drive to the general public so she can shop un-hassled by the paparazzi.   Shopping completed, I headed home with my bags filled with ingredients for a big pot of homemade chili.

I spent the rest of the day lounging in my underwear, scoffing bowls of chili and watching an all day marathon of “Living in the Time of Jesus” on the National Geographic Channel.  The three-part documentary was actually pretty interesting and oddly secular given the title and subject matter.  Don’t worry, I’m not heading off to Seminary anytime soon.  Every other channel was showing blizzard coverage or re-runs of Oprah.  

Sadly, the snow day was wasted because I had already taken the day off from work.