Magic Flute Tech + Tonys = Ranting and Diarrhea

Pineda Lyric's The Magic Flute

What a difference a day makes.

Judging from the Magic Flute dress rehearsals on Thursday and Friday nights, it seemed we were doomed to a very long and painful day of Saturday performances.  From the made-up blocking and dialogue, missed cues and general cluelessness displayed on stage, a few members of our teenage cast seemed to genuinely lack a sense of urgency or responsibility.  Very disconcerting for the producing team considering that in a day or so a paying audience would be witness to this mess.

Of course, I'm only talking about a few duds sprinkled amongst a mainly conscientious cast of young people.  But hey, it only takes a little spot of fuzzy green mold to ruin the whole wheel of cheese, right?

Fast forward less than 24 hours to the matinee performance and all of a sudden, voilà, we have a show!  Not that the made-up blocking was magically fixed and the dialogue learned.  That would have been a true miracle in the Biblical sense.  But the kids were finally performing, and at the very least committing strongly to their (often wrong) choices.

I'm definitely not advocating this type of preparation - or rather lack of preparation - as a viable option for a performer.  But it sure beats the agony of witnessing long stretches of uncomfortable silence between two dumbstruck actors on stage, an acting "technique" we witnessed dozens of times (not an exaggeration) during both dress rehearsals.

Sigh.

Is it awful to wish that just once, these ill prepared youngsters would crash and burn during a performance?  If these same young people always succeed with a wonderful - if inaccurate and completely improvised - performance, doesn't it just refute everything we're trying to teach them about the work and preparation required for success?  Isn't it better for them to fail now when the consequences are minimal rather than when it's their first big work/college project?  If a train chugging at 40 mph leaves Sante Fe at 4:00 PM...oh, never mind.

I guess it just rubs me the wrong way to congratulate a young person who, from the audience's perspective, has given a wonderful performance even though that performance was pretty much based on luck and improvisation.  Oh well, I guess that's what blogs are for - bitching and moaning about things you can't really change.

Speaking of bitches, did ya'll catch the Tony Awards?  I guess that's rhetorical considering my audience.  I have to say, I'm somewhat surprised that this year's Tony voters decided to base their decisions on merit rather than popularity.  How else do you explain Billy Porter's win over Bertie Carvel, Tracy Letts' win over Tom Hanks, Vanya's win over Lucky Guy, Kinky's win over Matilda...Not complaining, but it's a nice change.

That opening number was pretty damn impressive as well.  Just thinking about coordinating the rehearsals for that 7 minutes of lunacy gives me a slight case of diarrhea.  And that "Kiss LA Good-bye" parody had just enough queeny schtick for the gays while supplying enough pushed-up cleavage to appease the eight straight dudes watching.

Of course, my favorite moment was Audra's so-wrong-it's-right rendition of Alicia Keys' "Empire State of Mind" and then dropping her mic, gangsta' style.  That bitch crazy.  Can't wait to see how NPH tops this next year.

(More pictures of the 2013 Young Artist production of Mozart's The Magic Flute here.)

Tonys

Oh, the Tonys.  Does anyone except New Yorkers and gay men (despite the opening number disclaimer) even watch?  Though the ratings are always dismal, word is that CBS president, Les Moonves, likes to hang on to them for the "prestige" factor.  The show regularly wins the low-ranking network a few Emmys each year.

Well, if the Tonys hoped to catch any straight viewers this year, their unfortunate scheduling opposite the NBA finals dashed those hopes.  Oh well, maybe next year.  And maybe someday you'll also find me relaxing on a Sunday afternoon with a cold beer and a football game.  Ha.  I couldn't even type that with a "straight" face.  (insert rim shot here).  Some of my telecast highlights and observations:

• Thank God Brooke Shields is gorgeous.  Though even with her fuck-ups, she's just so darn likeable.
• Frances McDormand in a jean jacket.  Seriously?  Could she also not find a hair brush? 
• I'm happy for Nikki M. James, but she should've thought through that bumbleebee story before getting up there.
• Ellen Barkin is very serious.
• Daniel Radcliffe is adorable and will sell tickets but I still think the number is over-choreographed. 
• I'm stumped by Sister Act.  I haven't seen it yet, but the excerpt shown didn't impress me.  Alot of screaming (i.e. high belting) and unintelligible lyrics to an uninteresting melody.  Maybe it needs to be seen in context.
• Nei Patrick Harris chastising an audience member, "Why are you touching me?" right before a commercial break.  High-larious!
• NPH and Jackman are just delightful together.  But weird (depressing?) how even the spoofs of classic Broadway showtunes are better than most of the original scores honored this season.
• I hate to sound like one of those snotty theatre queens, but Sutton is no LuPone (or Merman, for that matter).  I still love her and someone should write the girl a new show quick.
• What crazy 80's time warp did they pull Martha Walsh out of?  Glad Priscilla got to do a number, but it didn't come off as fun and fabulous as it did in the theatre.  Seemed a bit like just a better-than-average drag show.
• Did anyone not think Book of Mormon was going to sweep?

And of course, NPH's hilarious Tony rap-up courtesy of Lin-Manuel Miranda (In The Heights).

Crazy Sh*t on the Tonys OR Who knew Lea Michele was British?

What a crazy, mannered, I’m-going-to-force-this-down-your-throat-whether-you-like-it-or-not rendition of a classic. Yes, girlfriend can belt but she obviously can’t feel a downbeat and only has two volume settings, loud and really loud. And what’s with the British accent? She always sounds fantastic on glee - granted, they auto-tune the sh*t out of everyone and have multiple takes - but she was quite lovely in Spring Awakening only a few years back. What happened? She also exhibited not a bit of charm, humor or charisma needed for the character or song. She made Fanny Brice seem like a total b*tch - “Don’t rain on my parade, God Dammit!” To hear how it should be sung, check out Barbra’s original or Ms. Lillias White’s non-traditional, but a thousand times more moving, rendition from Seth’s Broadway 101:



Some other random Tony observations:

Sean Hayes was charming and funny. He was self-effacing, comfortable and at ease in a live, on camera situation. But some of those presenters, Oy! You’d think theatre actors had absolutely no sense of humor, reading the copy like they were auditioning for King Lear. Lighten up, people. And those play synopses - dear God - they actually made me NOT want to see these plays. Why is everyone so serious? The guys from Next Fall were the only two who seemed to have any idea how to entertain or engage an audience. Too bad their show (which I enjoyed, but didn’t love) wasn’t as good as their Tony schtick.

I’m sorry, but I couldn’t make it through any of Fela!’s numbers. I’m sure they’re much better in context, but I just fast forwarded through them. Yes, I’m a racist.

The sound guy sucked. How many times did I need to see lips moving without sound? I can understand tweaking the levels as you go, but how about “on” and “off” for starters?

Catherine Z-J looked cra-cra during "Send in the Clowns"! I thought her eyes were going to pop out of their sockets. She had the expression of a crack whore desperately in need of a hit. Again, I saw and enjoyed her performance in the theater (what happened since?) but between the crazy-face, back phrasing and inappropriate breathing, it came off like she was singing in a different language that she didn’t completely understand. “Isn’t it … (crickets) … rich. Are we a … (crickets) … pair.” Could you please complete your … wait for it … thought. Without breaking it … wait for it … up? Someone get her to a vocal coach, stat!

Thank God Christiane Noll was on hand to show ‘em how it’s done. Her all too short snippet of “Back to Before” was welcome relief from all the screaming and screeching. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against rock or pop shows, but how come nobody seems to really sing anymore? It seems technique, phrasing and dare I say it, a nice tone, is just not a prerequisite for performers anymore. Sigh…

And until yesterday’s little reminders, I had forgotten that Annie (really?) is going to be revived in 2012 and that Ricky Martin is going to be Che in the upcoming Broadway revival of Evita next year. I’m just not sure if he has the acting chops for this one. Unless, of course, he’ll be performing shirtless. In which case, no one will be paying attention to either his singing or acting. I hope he proves me wrong (but still hoping for the naked concept).

Tonys and random sh*t

It's almost Tony time people. Closeted Midwestern teen boys, their unknowing hags and of course, yours truly, will be glued to their sets Sunday night. At the moment, I'm scheduled to be at the CDC theatre (again!) all day Sunday working on that damn trolley. Fingers crossed we'll be done in time to catch the opening number which is supposed to be a medley of pop tunes performed in current Broadway shows. This obvious attempt by CBS to make the Tonys, and by association, Broadway, more hip has “disaster” written all over it. I mean, pop songs sung by Broadway voices in little snippets out of context and in possibly ridiculous costumes may well just kill Broadway for good. Give it up already, CBS. Tony viewers are a niche audience. Your typical, beer-guzzling, football-loving, Ohio blue collar dude will not be tuning in because some unknown actor is doing a cover of a Green Day song. I’d like to keep my Tonys elitist, nerd-centric and totally gay.

Due to some recent replacement casting announcements, I may have to bite the bullet and pay for return trips to some current shows. Brian d’Arcy James, who I caught off-Broadway, is back for the Broadway run of Next to Normal. I’m hoping to find a date where Ripley’s out because I don’t know if I can take a another whole evening of her raspy, under-pitched singing. Girl can act, but her voice is a wreck (and I used to love it back in the Side Show days). Then I’ll probably have to go back again to see real husband and wife team Marin Mazzie and Jason Danieley take over the lead roles in July. That’s a lot of crazy in one month.

I may also have to suck it up and buy full price tick’s to A Little Night Music once Bernadette and Stritchie (that’s Bernadette Peters and Elaine Stritch for you straight people) start their run in July. I’m wet just thinking about it.

I also just subscribed to the Public Theatre for the first time ever so I can secure priority tickets to … wait for it … a 6 1/2 hour, 2 intermission adaptation of The Great Gatsby where the full text is read. I know, I’m a total masochist, but it sounds so crazy I have to be a part of it. Even crazier is that fact that it had a sold out run earlier this year in Boston!

The perfect Sunday...

…Cirque de Soleil, the Tonys AND Papa John’s pizza. I mean, does it get any better than that? I think not. Maybe if it had started with brunch at The Water Club, but even that might have been overkill. Instead, Trish and I spent Sunday morning and afternoon dozing and watching DVR leftovers from the week before. Truth be told, I hadn’t left the couch since nearly 24 hours earlier. The body-shaped dent in my couch will attest to my laziness. Since Magic Flute closed on Sunday, this has been my first full weekend in NYC in months. I felt like I needed to mark my territory again before some squatter decided to move in and claim my apartment.

It all started Saturday morning after I stripped the sheets off my bed and dropped them off at the Laundromat. I had every intention of spending the day cleaning the apartment. But a short “break” ended up becoming an extended all day siesta. Trish caught me in mid nap, returning home from several days in NJ. Happily, she humored my laziness. So after about a 15-hour reality show marathon and a second failed attempt at collecting my laundry, Saturday had suddenly melted into Sunday. It was finally Kooza time (that sounds dirty). Hooray!

Trish and I decided to drive to Randall’s Island and suck up the $25 parking fee rather than slogging it into the city only to have to backtrack and take the Water Taxi to Randall’s island from midtown. As for the show, it was entertaining enough and the sheer theatricality and pomp was exciting for us first-timers. But I think a lot of the allure is that it’s not just “going to the circus.” It’s an event. From driving up to the crazy-striped tent to buying your $20 hot dog or Cirque refrigerator magnet to waiting in an endless line for the bathroom, it’s all about the “Cirque experience”. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all about overpriced concessions. There were also a couple of standouts acts. The contortionists that opened the show were just plain freakish. If I hadn’t seen them live, I’d swear they had been photoshopped into those positions. And the two acrobats flipping and running through what seemed like a huge modified hamster wheel drew audible gasps and rock star applause from the audience. I’d definitely return for a different show, considering I’d read that this version was a bit more tame and family-friendly compared to other incarnations. Thank you Goldstar for those discount tickets!

The scheduler for Cirque must be a big ole’ Broadway show queen because the performance ended with just enough time to drive home for the beginning of the Tony telecast. Between host Neil Patrick (aka Doogie Howser) Harris’s cracks at Jeremy Piven’s sushi fetish to Bret Michaels getting clocked in the face with a moving set piece, the ceremony was pretty darn exciting this year. Oh, and what the hell was up with Alice “Theater is a FINE ART!!!” Ripley? I mean, she’s fierce, but she was definitely crah-zazy up on that podium. I thought she was going to jump out of my HDTV screen and slit my throat. She is definitely method. Anyway, I only really watch the telecast for the performances since everyone knows the awards don’t mean sh*t anymore. Not that I’d turn down a nomination, of course. But come on, Rock of Ages for best musical? It was definitely fun and I enjoyed it off-Broadway, but just to put things into perspective, the nominees for best musical in 1979 were Hair, 1776, Promises, Promises and Zorba. My, how our standards have sunk in the last thirty years - or maybe more accurately, how sad that Broadway’s become a commercialized producer of generic, harmless, but ultimately artless entertainment - so much for my soapbox this year.

The most exciting part of Tony night was probably the pizza and wings we ordered from Papa John’s and watching that freaky Hair cast member making those odd faces behind the producer as he accepted the best revival Tony. I want what he was smoking backstage at Radio City.

Tonys

Believe it or not, I almost missed them this year. I was in Jersey Sunday morning coaching some of our Les Mis cast members and had drifted into a food coma after once again consuming my weight in dim sum. Trish woke me up half an hour into the ceremony, just in time to catch the freakish (in a good way) Patti LuPone belt the bejesus out of Everything’s Coming Up Roses. (FYI: urban dictionary definition #2 - a term that can be used with just about any phrase to add emphasis. I was shizzing last night and it burned the bejesus out of my ass. I had a nightmare that I saw Todd naked and it scared the bejesus out of me.) Although she was amazing, it was a bit much for a wake up call. I think you need some prep time before getting the full on Patti in yo’ face.

Overall, I think the ceremony was pretty enjoyable. Lots of performances + shortened speeches = entertainment! Whoopi did a more than respectable job and some of her pre-taped skits were actually amusing. The novelty did begin to wear thin going into that third hour though. Could they really not think of anything more interesting for her to sing/say than "Tony"? On a side note, she makes one hideous Christine; funny and frightening at the same time. Although I sort of feel the same way about Sarah Brightman's performance in general.

I'm glad that South Pacific raked in the awards and that dreamy Paulo Szot won for Best Performance of a Leading Man. I'm proud to have the Brazilian babe playing for my team. I'm also glad to know that Liza's gay appeal factor is International. Truly, he was like a teenage girl seeing Wicked for the first time. And I'm sorry, but damn, that granny has some crazy ass hot legs! Work the mini beeyatch. I mean, she's like 90, right?

In the Heights' number convinced me to buy a ticket - fun, sexy number, great dancing and interesting characters. On the flip side, I was actually very interested in catching Passing Strange before the Tonys, but after its almost non-sequitor-like performance, I may just have to pass on it. It really made absolutely no sense out of context and just seemed trendy without substance. And they need to return Spring Awakening's back wall. Enough with the neon shit. Build a set people!

And once again the hunk with the tree trunk thighs, Cheyenne Jackson, tore it up. That boy can really sing. Damn him for being hot AND talented. I may just have to catch Xanadu again when he returns in August after his stint in Damn Yankees. I'm still debating on that one. If I hear there is some shirtless locker room action, I'll definitely have to break down and buy a ticket.

La Fille du Regiment and Tony Noms

Well, it was nice to see a cast of opera singers actually try to act. I will give Natalie Dessay and company an “A” for effort, but I’d have to give them about a “C+” for execution. She broke - no shattered - the golden rule of comedy, which is not to try and “be funny,” but to just play the intentions and let the comedy result from the given circumstances. She was like a little energizer bunny on crack, waving her arms and jerking around the stage as if in the throws of a petit mal seizure. She sounded gorgeous, though, especially her high pianissimos. I also had no trouble hearing her over the orchestra as I had with her Lucia earlier in the season.

Idiot me chose the one performance that dreamy Juan Diego Florez (left) was not scheduled to perform. I really have no idea how I missed that, considering I bought the ticket a YEAR ago just to see the Dessay/Florez pairing. Oh well, Barry Banks was sufficient. Nice big, warm voice (much warmer than Florez, but lacking the “star quality”) and he had no problems with the nine high-C’s. Though he received an extremely long and deserved ovation after the aria, he, unlike Florez, did not perform an encore. His acting was fine, if a bit stiff.

I’m still a little disappointed because I really expected a more grounded performance from Dessay, a self-described “actress first,” and not the spastic performance she delivered. I guess I can’t really complain. She was vocally excellent and never boring. What-ev’s, it was still a good, almost great, night at the opera and my last until next season. Damn, this year really flew.

All That Chat was buzzing this morning with Tony nom talk. I love how those catty bitches go at each other because they just can’t believe the travesty of so-and-so getting snubbed by the nominating committee. It’s so High School Musical. Get a life you crazy queens! Sadly, many of those crazy queens are probably close friends of mine. Oh well, click here for the full list of Tony nominations.

My only Tony hope is that Kelli O’Hara beats out Patti LuPone for best actress so we can see PattiLu force a smirk onto her face for the camera and feign congratulatory wishes to Kelli. Either that, or we’re gonna’ see a full on girl fight. And I’m pretty sure Patti could beat the sh*t out of Kelli. Watch your back O’Hara.