Peter and the Starcatcher

Peter and the Starcatcher
Brook Atkinson Theatre
Friday, June 20 @ 8pm 

Having already checked out the other three Tony-nominated plays, Trish and I decided to close the loop and check out Peter and the Starcatcher before Trish’s Broadway crush, Christian Borle, jumped ship (pun intended) to start once again collecting his fat, "Smash" checks.  Yes, I’m jealous and bitter.

With all the hype surrounding the production, we were prepared to wet our pants in uncontrollable fits of hysterical laughter.  Maybe we expected too much.  Yes, the production was creative, clever, fun, imaginative and at times, extremely funny.  But I left with pants dry wondering if I had missed something.

I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy myself.  I had a great time and left smiling.  But I just didn’t connect to it the way it seems others have.  Maybe it was the wash of unspecified English accents coupled with the quick line delivery that muddled the opening set-up, or maybe some of the second act chase sequences that seemed to go on just that 30 seconds too long, maybe I was tired that night or maybe I’m just a bitter, jaded old theatre queen.  Who knows?

I do know that I adored the second act mermaid number and much of the creative use of the cast in place of complicated scenery and set changes.  Borle didn’t disappoint either, especially during the second act hand chopping scene.     

Is it possible to be too clever?  The creative moments came so quickly and right on top of each other that I found myself marveling at the staging and not paying attention to the plot or characters.  Perhaps too, the performances have "grown" and blur what may have at one time been more concise and clearly played moments.  Regardless, I just couldn't connect fully to these characters, though I wanted to badly.

Then again, I liked Leap of Faith, so what do I know?

'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah...

I just want to say that being chosen as this month's Miss August is

like a compliment I'll remember for as long as I can.

Right now I'm a freshman in my fourth year at UCLA but my goal is

to become a veterinarian cause I love children.

‘Cause I'm a blonde yeah, yeah, yeah,

‘Cause I'm a blonde yeah, yeah, yeah
- Julie Brown

Since this summer was all about the blonde, I decided to post these lyrics from one of my favorite movie musical guilty pleasures of the 80s, Earth Girls Are Easy, starring…wait for it…Geena Davis, Jeff Goldblum, Jim Carrey and Damon Wayans.  Pretty impressive, huh?  Well, they must all have been seriously hard up for cash or in deep doo-doo with their dealers to sign off on this script, because this movie is a big ol’ train wreck.  But what a beautiful, hilarious and tacky train wreck it is!  Check it out some night if you’re bored.  It’s extra entertaining if your drunk or otherwise “impaired.”    



Angie Sandoukas as Elle Woods in Pineda Conservatory's Legally Blonde

Anyway, back to the blonde at hand, Legally Blonde, which ended our 2012 summer conservatory season.  Last year’s jet-setting across Europe prevented me from choreographing during last summer’s session.  So I was a bit rusty when it came to the fancy footwork needed for LB’s contemporary pop score (not to mention carrying a good 15 pounds of extra jiggle around the middle).

I’m not exactly a hip-hop master, so I hit up some of my old dance cronies (aka youtube) to freshen up on how the young ‘ns are breaking it down these days. Seriously, you can learn anything from youtube.  Of course, since most of the dancing in Legally Blonde involves slutty, whore-ish sorority girls, a more appropriate course of action might have been to take a pole dancing class at Crunch.  But since our underage cast would likely be shaking their groove thangs in front of their horrified fathers, I decided to tone it down a notch - but just a tiny notch.

Imagine little old me teaching 15 year olds how to pelvic thrust, gyrate and open-thigh squat in rhythm.  Okay, I guess it’s really not that hard to imagine if you’ve known me for more than five minutes.  But it was still slightly uncomfortable teaching our sweet little 9^th grade girls how to get nasty.  We all gotta’ learn sometime.

More surprising (and encouraging) to me was how unfazed the kids were with all the gay references in the script.  It’s telling when two straight teenage boys have no problem with a gay kiss, but their parents do.  Maybe we are finally evolving as a species.  Or maybe not.  You decide based on these photos from Disney Dress-up Day at camp.

RyRy & Malika are Mickey & Mini

Marisa is a princess

Fausto's a fairy - no comments, please.

I need a vacation from my vacation (part deux)

Click here for part une

Week two (July 23):
The air conditioning is finally working.  Huzzah!  You’d think the kids would be jubilant.  Nope.  Now the kids complain that it’s too cold in the theatre.  Too cold?  Well then, bring a sweater, Mr. Whiny McChillypants. 

The week begins with more Legally Blonde slutty choreography, but I also get a chance to team-direct the big act two ensemble scenes with Juan.  I keep telling the kids to “act as they would in real life” but forget that they are only teenagers and “real life” consists of going to the mall and updating their facebook statuses.

During breaks from choreographing and directing, I start faux-finishing wooden flats to resemble brick that will eventually replicate the famous gates of Harvard University.  I don’t know why I’m so concerned with verisimilitude given the fact that even if the gates are an exact match, no one in our audience will know the difference.

The real Harvard Gate and...

...our imposter gate.

Lunch everyday is a frozen pre-packaged grilled chicken sandwich heated up in the microwave because we don’t have time to leave the theatre to get anything else.  I try to convince myself that I’m eating healthy, but the texture of the processed chicken patty makes me wonder what parts of the chicken I’m actually eating.

We (the Pinedas) stay at the theatre well after classes finish for our daily exercise routine - picking up discarded water bottles, nasty candy wrappers and crushed goldfish crackers off the floor.  Think of a teenager’s closet.  Now multiply that by 100 children.  Did I mention there’s no janitor?  Well, technically there’s a sweet, 90-year-old Italian guy named “Gus” who does a perfunctory sweep-and-mop a couple times a week.  I love him, but he’s not exactly Mr. Clean.

After our "workout" it's back to set construction and painting.  As the week progresses, we are constantly cutting set pieces from our build list as we decide they are not truly necessary.  In actuality, we’re usually just too tired or realize there is no way in hell we’ll finish everything in time.

Since the beginning of camp, the high schoolers have been rehearsing two shows simultaneously.  Their first show opens this week and they are noticeably anxious and slightly panicky.  We are constantly adding and changing blocking and choreography as we start run-throughs of the cabaret show.  I'm in the pit with Trish who's conducting, wearing hat number three, pit musician.

The mad summer show-opening marathon is about to begin.  It's Thursday night and after a full day of classes we open Let’s Go to the Movies.  All goes remarkably well considering the short rehearsal period and general inexperience of the cast.  There are no major train wrecks, just a few minor derailments - an occasional wide-eyed look of panic and a brain fart or two.  But we make it to curtain call without any broken bones and with the show clocking in at under two hours.  I’d call that a major success.

The next day we continue rehearsing Legally Blonde but also tweak some of last night's problem spots.  In true Pineda fashion, one of the "minor" tweaks includes re-choreographing an entire number. 

That same night, we present the new-ish and improved Let’s Go to the Movies 2.0.  After the final bows, we herd the audience out of theatre so we can tear down and start setting the stage for the next production, Disney’s Cinderella Kids (contractually, I'm required to spell out the whole damn title) which opens the next afternoon.  As Juan and team begin the arduous task of taking the backdrop down from the cabaret show, I’m frantically trying to finish painting an eight-foot tall carriage for Cinderella that will be onstage for approximately one minute.  After midnight, we head home, exhausted.

We’re at the theatre bright and early the next morning so Trish and Val can do last minute alterations to costumes and Juan can reset the mic plot from last night’s show.  I’m sitting on the dressing room floor painting a carriage wheel because I was too tired to finish it the night before.  Fingers crossed that it will be dry by show time.

The young cast arrives (grade 2-6) around noon for their two-show day.  The dressing room is soon filled with 9-year-old divas complaining about their hair and make-up.  I’m sure there’s a reality TV show in store for at least one or two of these girls’ futures.

We make it to the end of the day without any major mishaps, just a cameo appearance by me to drag off a forgotten set piece and the temporary misplacement of the pumpkin prop during the first show.  Luckily, a basketball from our third upcoming production, Disney’s High School Musical Jr., is handy and makes a fine understudy pumpkin.  The children are happy.  The parents are happy.  We’re tired.

We start striking the Cinderella set to make room for High School Musical which opens in three days.

Click here for part trois

Other Clybourne Cities in Fur - or How Many Tony Nominated Shows Can You See in 2 Days?

Answer:  Three!

Believe it or not, Trish and I decided to partake in a pre-Tony theatrical orgy by taking in Other Desert Cities, Clybourne Park and Venus in Fur all within a 48 hour period.  That's alot of drama in two days.  But since TDF was offering discounts for all three, we decided to go for it.

But don't worry, between all that highfalutin theatre we made sure to sneak in a late afternoon viewing of Chernobyl Diaries between the Saturday matinee and evening shows.  There's nothing like zombies and a few clueless college kids on Spring Break to cleanse the mental palate. 

Alas, several weeks have since passed and my 42 year old brain isn't quite as nimble as it used to be.  So I'll just jot down my general thoughts on each.

Other Desert Cities
Booth Theatre
Friday, June 1, 8pm performance

Trish and I both agreed ODC was our favorite of the three.  I know most critics and many in the online community were complaining that the characters seemed unrealistic and soap opera-ish.  To them, I send an open invitation to attend any large Pineda family gathering.  The Wyeth's have nothing on us.

Crazy aunts?  Dysfunctional sibling relationships?  Equal parts screaming and crying?  Family secrets no one talks about?  Please, that’s just your average day on the Pineda ranch.   I’m not even exaggerating.  But I'm saving it all for my memoirs.  You’ll have to wait until I’m dead to hear the really juicy dirt.  But back to the play…

Stockard Channing, Stacy Keach and Judith Light are all remarkable. Even with their rigid, botox-ed and tucked faces, this trio is able to convey an emotional honesty free of the actor-y artifice I see displayed by many young performers.  I’m so glad I got to see them all live onstage together.

As for the twist at the end - also controversial and deemed unrealistic by many critics - I’ll just say that I have no doubt my parents would do the same for me or any of my siblings under similar circumstances.  I actually didn't find the reveal the least bit shocking - surprising, maybe - but shocking?  No.

The play is by no means ground-breaking, intellectually challenging or even that original.  But it’s solidly written, never boring, brilliantly acted and always interesting. 

Clybourne Park
Walter Kerr Theatre
Saturday, June 2, 2pm performance

Bruce Norris’ Clybourne Park is a sarcastic, dark and funny examination of racial politics and their effect on economics, specifically real estate.  I know, sounds like a snooze-fest from my description, but it’s actually quite entertaining and very funny.

The performances here are all top notch, but much more stylized than in ODC, almost to the point of caricature.  But I think that is the author’s and director’s intent.  In the first act we see all the typical archetypes - June-Cleaver-esque mother figure, depressed father coping with loss of son in (insert war here), secretly sassy black maid, the do-gooder preacher figure, the I-have-nothing-against-black-people-but-don’t-want-one-living-next-door conservative white dude - you get the picture.  But every character is just a little off-center enough to shake up the stereotype, thereby creating more fully realized, three dimensional characters.

The second act takes place in the present day and uses the same let’s-shake-up-the-stereotype formula to make the characters seem fresh yet retain that whiff of familiarity. 
The dialogue is smart and sit-com quick, especially in the second act.  But I think the second act also suffers from a lack of any real action.  There’s a lot of talking, a lot of misunderstanding, a lot of latent racism but not much forward momentum. 

It’s an interesting and thought-provoking evening, but ultimately I guess I just didn’t relate to it as much as ODC.  Maybe living in such a racially diverse city has left me a bit numb to it all.  But what do I know, considering it won the Tony, the Olivier and the Pulitzer Prize in Drama.

Venus in Fur
Lyceum Theatre
Saturday, June 2, 8pm performance

Venus in Fur is by far the most intellectually and artistically ambitious of the three plays we caught this weekend.  And sadly, I enjoyed it the least.  On paper it seems right up my alley, a psycho-sexual drama full of gender politics, role play and S&M.  What’s not to like, right?

Maybe my brain was already at full theatrical capacity following ODC and CP, but the subject matter and language was just a bit too heavy and cerebral for a Saturday night, even with the hunky Hugh Dancy begging to be dominated by a scantily clad Nina Arianda. 

It also didn’t help that our seats were in the second balcony, seemingly about a block away from the stage.  The distance left me disconnected from the action on the stage and I didn’t feel viscerally connected to the sexual tension between these two very sexy actors.  Of course, that’s my own fault for being a cheapskate. 

Nina Arianda is a force of nature, switching from ditzy blonde to sadistic dominatrix at the snap of a finger.  I’m sure we’ll lose her to Hollywood any second now.  Hugh Dancy also impresses as the narcissistic director who eventually gets whipped (literally) into submission.  But man does he sweat.  I’m not sure why the costumer would choose a fabric and color that would accentuate the sweat rings under his arms and on his chest.

Though I didn’t love it, I do appreciate the ambition and scope of the play as well as the extraordinary actors performing in it.

I need a vacation from my vacation (part une)

Since getting back to my day job last week I've been bombarded with the same annoying question, "How did you enjoy your vacation?"  Of course, my vacation really isn’t a vacation at all.  It’s just me working somewhere else for three weeks.

Usually, I just explain that I take time off to work at a camp for teenagers that my family runs in New Jersey.  That usually puts an end to the conversation.  More often than not, the confused party skedaddles off pretty quickly with a polite smile and a confused, “Oh, that sounds fun.”

Technically, I am using my vacation time.  But working 10-hour days with a hundred kids in an enclosed space the size of a 7-Eleven isn’t exactly most people’s idea of “fun.”

After years of explaining, I can now easily identify that pleasant, feigned expression of interest on my co-workers' faces.  Nobody really wants to hear about my camp adventures. They want to know about how drunk I got on the beach or how beautiful the Eiffel Tower looks at sunset. 

So for all of you office drones who think working at a theatre camp sounds so “fun,” this is what goes on during my three weeks of "vacation."

Week One (July 16): 
Camp has already been in full swing for two weeks.  I join mid-stream, the week before our first show opens - Let’s Go To The Movies! - a cabaret/variety show written and compiled specifically for the kids who didn’t get cast in lead roles in Legally Blonde. 

I begin the painstaking and slightly creepy task of teaching slutty choreography to the teenage cast of Legally Blonde.  Between booty shakes and thrusting, Juan and Val give me the low-down on all the set and detail painting I’ll need to accomplish in the next few weeks for all four of our summer shows.  With zero budget for extra tech staff, I have gained the title of "Head Scenic Painter" for the summer in addition to my choreographic duties.

In another money-saving move, we have purposely chosen shows set in the present time to avoid renting costumes.  Instead, we send the children home to dig through their closets for usable items.  As a result, throughout the week children intermittently approach us wondering if the tiny kitchen dishrag they refer to as a "skirt" is an appropriate length for the stage.  When did teenagers start dressing like prostitutes?

The electricians are still installing our new air conditioning, so we are working in a cement box without ventilation and temperatures topping 90 degrees.  Sound fun yet?

Click here for part deux

Pssst...I'm back...

Surprise, I’m back!  Yes, I realize it’s been over a month since my last blog entry - June 1^st  to be exact.  And since then I’ve seen four Broadway shows (and one Off-Broadway show) and help put up four full productions at our family’s theatre camp.  So I’ve been just a teensy bit busy.

But don’t fret, my dear Pineda-starved blogytes, for the next week or two I’ll be consumed with writing and updating.  Last week was my first full week back to NYC following another stress-filled, but far less sweaty, Pineda Summer Conservatory season thanks to our new air conditioning (yeah!).

The first Monday back at my desk job was hellacious - over 1200 unread emails and I was working on five hours of sleep - damn those Sunday night shows and their accompanying late night cast party.  So it’s taken me pretty much the entire week to finally get my shit together.

For my first free summer weekend since Pineda Camp hell, Trish and I decided to check out Dogfight at Second Stage.  The new off-Broadway musical is based on the indie

film from the early 90s.

I’ll be honest, this show caught me by surprise.  I went in with no expectations and found

myself an emotional wreck and nearly in tears by intermission (Trish too).  Central to my enjoyment was Lindsey Mendez’s remarkably honest and moving performance as Rose, the “homely” unknowing participant in the dogfight alluded to in the show’s title.  Amazing, since I found her character in the recent Godspell revival a tad cloying and vocally a bit gimmicky.  Here she’s perfect and gets to show of her clean soprano and easy belt. Oh well, I guess I can chalk Godspell up to bad direction.

The score is folksy-pop a la Jason Robert Brown. There are definitely some great pull-out audition songs that I’m sure we’ll all be tired of hearing by this time next year.  But it's a relief to finally hear a score that’s musically interesting as well as lyrically specific - a nice change from the bombastic self-importance of some recent new scores (I’m talking to you, Frank Wildhorn).  One “This is the Moment” is quite enough, thank you very much.

The physical production is simple, but appropriate with a sometimes stunning

lighting design. 

Chris Gattellis’ choreography/musical staging is spot on.  It’s odd, because I definitely have a love-hate opinion on most of his work.  Sometimes I find it repetitive and gimmicky (Newsies) and sometimes it’s so perfect and character-driven that I can’t imagine a production without it (Altar Boyz).  Here, the latter applies, particularly in the group soldier scenes and the battle scenes in the second act.

And for a musical about horny, young soldiers, there’s only one semi-gratuitous shirtless scene.  Good for you, Joe Mantello.

Dogfight

Second Stage Theatre

Saturday, August 11, 2pm performance

How do you follow-up a surprisingly satisfying afternoon at the theatre?  With a double-header at the movies, of course.

Not wanting to head back to our tiny Queens apartment just yet, Trish and decided to catch The Dark Knight at the Times Square AMC, but not before stopping at Auntie Anne's to fill Trish's over-sized bag with illicit pretzel dogs and cinnamon sticks.  When a popcorn and soda are $20, sometimes you have to resort to smuggling the occasional wiener.

And when the hell did movie prices jump to fourteen bucks!?  And that's without 3D or IMAX - just the plain old, regular boring 2D.  Trish and I decided to stick it to the man by sneaking into a second movie, Total Recall.  I'm a fan of the original and Colin Farrell is super hot, so even with lukewarm reviews, we decided we'd at least get to stare at his pouty face and maybe get some harmless shirt-free ogling time.

Well, it didn't suck AND we got to see a shirtless Colin Farrell, so I'd say it was a win-win all around.

Off to Hogwarts...

Having already allotted most of my vacation time to the Summer Conservatory, the unfortunate mid-week timing of this year’s July Fourth holiday totally screwed me.  With only one vacation day to spare, I decided to take a long weekend directly following July 4 to join the rest of the Pineda clan in Orlando, FL.  Those bitches had already flown down Tuesday night and had been enjoying the sun, sand and Disney for several days. 

Unfortunately, my 42-year-old body decided to send me a farewell fuck you.  The week before my vacation, a large abscess formed directly in the crease of my left armpit.  Believe me, a large, painful, blood and puss-oozing hole in your body is not exactly conducive to travel.  Regardless, three emergency room visits and a dose of antibiotics later, I was on the tarmac with hydrogen peroxide and gauze pads in hand ready for my flight southward.

I’ve already made multiple visits to Disney but have never ventured to Universal Studios.  Since my time was limited, the family agreed to wait and visit Universal until I arrived.  Val’s brother recently relocated to Orlando and conveniently works at the park (repairing roller coasters!), so we were able to score some nice discounts and free admission. 

Here are the juicy highlights.

Entering Islands of Adventure, we made a beeline for The Wizarding World of Harry Potter to beat the crowds.  Trish and I are ready to roll on the Hogwars Express.

Even with temperatures in the upper 90s, it's always snowy at Hogwarts.  Juan and I pose on the main street.

Trish and Val strike a pose in front of Hogwarts castle before getting in line.  The ride was amazing but a bit intense - 3D, live action robotics, animation and stereo sound all while moving around on a wild conveyor belt-style hanging pod.  We were all a bit nauseous exiting the ride and poor Juan was knocked out of commission for the rest of the day.  I guess we really are getting old.

Here I am rehydrating with a Butter Beer and Pumpkin Juice.  Delightful if a bit cloying and unfortunately, non-alcoholic.

Leaving Harry Potter's Wizarding World, we head into Jurassic Park.  Joey (Val's brother) is in the background doing his best T-Rex impersonation.  Pretty Scary.  Sadly, the Jurassic Park ride was closed for the day due to mechanical issues.

Juan and Val get some tongue from Krusty at the Simpsons Ride, another 3-D, simulator that left us reaching for the barf bags and dramamine.

With Juan dizzy and wobbling around the park, we decided to slow things down and hop on the Caro-Seuss-el.  Here, Val shows off the gymnastic prowess that I'm sure helped her woo Juan during their courtship.  How romantic. 

Meat, glorious meat!

Showing off my grilling prowess.

Trish and I are currently obsessed with Gyu-Kaku restaurant in midtown.  It's a Japanese BBQ joint where you order a bunch of meats and cook them yourself on the mini-grill located in the middle of the table. 

We stumbled upon the carnivore-centric restaurant as we wandered midtown after Empire Thursday night looking for a late night snack.  Sure, they have a couple of vegetables on the menu, but why waste precious calories on non-protein items?  Bring on the flesh!

They also have a nifty Happy Hour special weekdays 4pm-6pm and then again from 9:30pm to closing where almost everything is half price.  What better reason to indulge in some heavy meat-ploitation?  I recommend ordering a side of garlic rice, prepared and served at your table in a stone bowl.   No vampire will come within a hundred feet of you after you've downed a couple spoonfuls.  Though I'd skip the rice if it's a first date and you're hoping to get lucky.

Then you can head around the block to 45th Street for a cookie fix at Schmackery, my other current obsession.  Their thick, doughy, frosted cookies are delish.  I recommend the carrot cake and red velvet.  I'd link, but it seems they don't have a website.  Seriously, what year is it?  1992?  Get some web presence already!

Trish playing with her meat.

Is that a banana in your pocket or...

...are you just excited to spit a chewed up wad of it into my mouth?  You didn't think that's where I was going with that title, where you?  Well, if you check out Empire, the new Spiegelworld show playing a once-vacant lot on 45th Street, you'll know exactly what I'm referring to.

Trish and I have been waiting for the Spiegelworld tent's return to NYC ever since catching their nasty Desir show almost five years ago at their former location at the South Street Seaport.  Equal parts burlesque, side show, circus, cabaret and performance art, it's a down and dirty alternative to Cirque du Soleil.  Think circus with an attitude -- and full frontal nudity!  And if that alone isn't enough to get you to buy a ticket, there's also a full service bar where you're encouraged to buy drinks and get wasted while you watch.

Trish and I had avoided seeing the show during previews because of the picket line.  Opening a show in the middle of the theatre district without the stagehands union's consent is just asking for trouble.  And with our good friend, Chris, the acting AGVA business rep, there was no way we would cross the line.  But happily, an agreement was reached just in time for opening night.

It seems the strike had its desired effect, because we were able to score free tickets to opening night (and there were still empty seats in the relatively small house).  You don't mess with Local 1, bitches!

Though its current location is considerably easier to access, it's lost some of its downtown mystique.  There was a certain allure and charm in venturing down to the financial district after hours.  Now, it's just a left turn at Times Square and you're there.  The great outdoor bar and restaurant complex overlooking the Brooklyn Bridge is also lost, due to the obvious lack of open midtown real estate.  The show, however, is still 90 minutes of raunchy fun.

The acts, as always, are amazing.  The intimate setting, audience interaction, performers with bare chests and garters, free-flowing drinks and x-rated banter make the experience much more engaging and entertaining than your average g-rated circus.

Unlike all other midtown venues, Spiegelworld also allows audience members to vidoetape and take (non-flash) photos. Below are some of the evening's highlights courtesy of Trish's iPhone.  Oh, and if you want details about the banana - well, you'll just have to buy a ticket or ask me privately, because it's just too nasty to describe. 

Flexible!

Yes, there's actually a contortionist in that big bubble.

What girl?  All I see are some tight pants.

This guy balances whale bones, pretty cool live, actually.