The worker's comp claims are piling up over at the Foxwood's theatre. And I thought WE were pushing the boundary by making our kids do full-out production numbers in 100 degree heat wearing wool costumes in an un-air-conditioned theatre in the summer (try and say that sentence out loud in one breath).* Damn that Julie Taymor. She's one-upped as again!
The latest casualty of Spider-man is Christopher Tierney, an aerialist and actor who reportedly plunged 28 feet after a safety rigging failed (or was improperly hooked up - still under investigation). Watch the video here. I don't mean to make light of an obviously horrific accident, but come on already - a broken toe, two broken wrists (on the same actor), a concussion (sidelining the lead actress for two weeks) and now reported broken ribs and internal bleeding? That has got to be some kind of a record. This is Broadway, not Olympic bobsledding. They need to just go back to the drawing board and compose a better score, write a more compelling book and just tell us a good freakin' story.
All this flying and acrobatics while impressive and fun are merely diamonds on a necklace made of dog shit. If I want to see ridiculous feats of physical strength and acrobatics strung along by a wisp of a plot and atmospheric music I'll go see a Cirque de Soleil show. At least the Cirque cast has been training most of their lives to hone their skills. I'm not sitting in the audience worrying whether someone may plunge to their death. I'd go further and add that last summer's Cirque offering, Ovo, had a much more effective and theatrical score than Spidey. That's just sad.
Anyway, enough about Spider-man, we have our very own stage spectacular to worry about, The Very Merry Pineda Holiday Spectacular! Yes, folks, it's almost time for the third installment of our annual Holiday extravaganza. Val has been going crazy coordinating rehearsals for over 80 current students, alumni and parents. It's been a revolving door at the rehearsal hall and between final exams, vacations, all the schools' holiday concerts, and general season busy-ness, we won't even have a final cast count until the night of the performance. I'm hoping the stage at the CDC can handle all that weight.
Anyone not familiar with our off-the-wall family variety show is in for a pleasant (?) surprise. Where else can you see small children singing inappropriate songs, dancing reindeer, Val in a candy cane suit, me in drag and Santa Claus? Well, that's just business as usual at Pineda Conservatory. Hopefully, child protective services never gets wind of us.
Speaking of children, what better way to guarantee the holiday "aww" factor than throwing a few rugrats into your act. Yes, my friends, I've resorted to the highest form of audience manipulation, small children! Cute little Suzy will deflect any criticism of my flat singing, botched lyrics or cracked high notes. It's a win - win for all! Don't judge.
*Below is a video of Peter Carmo and the ensemble in last summer's Meet Me in St. Louis performing "Banjos." You would never know it was near 100 degrees in the theatre. They just keep on smiling and strumming in full tuxes and gowns. Child abuse? I'd say we're "instilling character." Potato - Potahto.
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