Is That a Conk in Your Pocket, Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

OK, I admit it, for months I’ve been obsessed with the bootlegs of Sierra Boggess singing the Little Mermaid on Youtube. I guess deep down I’m just a teenage girl with a Disney princess fantasy – but really, who doesn’t? So I’m only slightly embarrassed to say that I bought a ticket, actually two tickets (one for me and one for my sister), months ago – um, for her birthday. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. Tonight we finally got to see the mermaid sing (and dance). The good news – the classic movie tunes still work remarkably well when transferred to the stage (Ariel’s simple ascending three note theme still makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up) and the newly written music, although not nearly of the same caliber, still surpasses in pure craftsmanship most of what’s been written in the past couple of years. Alan Menken simply knows how to write a singable, soaring melody. The bad news – the last twenty minutes is a big, hot mess! SPOILER ALERT, DO NOT READ FURTHER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW SPECIFICS – but remember, this is Disney, folks! They don't utilize the fairy tale's original, tragic ending. Do you really think the House of Mouse is gonna’ have its perky heroine witness the man she loves marry another woman then throw herself into the ocean out of extreme grief? Not likely. This stage version utilizes the movie's "happily-ever-after" ending, which wouldn't bother me so much except that the artistic team has created some truly inane dialogue and pointless staging. Forthwith is the last scene of the musical. I will paraphrase since I’m going by memory, so please forgive me.

Grimsby: I’m honored to have your daughter marry the prince. Will we ever see
you again?
Triton ("standing" on land, is he amphibian?): That depends. According to you I’m only a silly legend.
Grimsby:  Can you stay for the wedding?
Triton: Well, for this occasion I will let our two worlds celebrate together for just one night. (He waves around lame Christmas-light covered pitchfork. Stage fills with smoke. Human gay boys prance onto stage, mermaid ladies glide in on skates. Are we on land or in the water?  Gay boys spin mermaids around real fast and they sing a reprise of “Part of Your World.”)

Curtain.

It just doesn't work. It's way too "nice" and generic. Even the audience seemed confused by the abrupt theme park-like ending. It reads like an afterthought; as though they got to the last hour of the last rehearsal before the first preview and the director said, "How the hell are we gonna' end this thing?"

Ursala's death is pretty lame as well. Maybe it works from the orchestra section, but it's painfully obvious from the mezzanine that Ursula's walking toward a trapdoor. I mean there are little red lights on it! I'm sure they’re there for safety reasons, but come on. That's all you could come up with? And FYI to the director, the big bad villainess shouldn’t be stepping away from Ariel, she should be going after her. Ursala is saying something to the effect of, “Give me back my shell you bitch!” yet she’s walking away from Ariel because the friggin' trap door is 8 feet to her left. Change the damn blocking already, it doesn’t make sense! And poor Norm Lewis as Triton is straddled with more bad direction. Example - after signing away his soul, his ugly pitchfork thingy lights up (it looks like a big plastic fork with Christmas lights on it), theme park lightning affects go off, he hands the scepter over to Ursula, lays down on floor and is held down by Flotsam. Or was it Jetsam? I'm not sure, but it doesn't really matter. We're supposed to believe a waif thin, gay eel is "holding down" super buff Norm Lewis? Even stripped of "magical powers" Norm/Triton could bitch slap that eel into next week.

I do have to give props to the cast, though. The performances in general were impressive. I found Sierra Boggess quite charming and her singing was darn near flawless. Damn, this girl has a huge range and looks gorgeous in shells and a tail. My only complaint is that it seems she was coached to put on a "Disney voice" at times which seemed a bit thin and anemic, though pretty, compared to her full-voiced singing elsewhere. Oh, and the scene where she gets her "land legs" was pretty bad, too. Her cartoonish miming and over-exaggerated hobbling was pretty awful. She needs some method work – tie some ropes around her thighs, let her legs fall asleep, and then let her try to walk. You’ll get some realistic hobbling then.

I enjoyed Sean Palmer's performance as well, although I wasn't fully convinced until his big song, "Her Voice" when he finally started acting like a real person and not a cartoon. Until then, he was playing the prince like a spoiled 16 year old rather than a man about to turn 25. His vocals also impressed, except for the last note of “Her Voice.” He did the old "straight tone into vibrato" technique and was incredibly flat until his vibrato kicked in. I know it’s the current trend, but it worked against him. Either 1) change the vowel to better accommodate the high placement 2) lower the note or 3) let him use vibrato. It totally ruined the whole song for me, which I was enjoying until that very last badly placed note. Audiences forgive anything if you end well. No matter how many perfect high C's you hit in the middle of the song, they will only remember the final clunker.

Titus will probably earn a supporting Tony nom for his turn as Sebastian. His vocal range is higher than most women I know. He was always sincere and committed and genuinely appeared to be having a good time. The sisters and flounder had a great production number in Act I that helped flesh out their thin characters a bit. Again, Norm Lewis is totally wasted. He’s the Fantine of this production, appearing intermittently in the first act and basically disappearing in the second. Oh well, a paycheck is a paycheck.

Despite complaints from earlier reports, the set and costume design didn't really bother me. I actually thought they were quite interesting in an impressionistic sort of way. No, it’s not a realistic reproduction of an undersea world, but that’s what your imagination is for. The stage did appear somewhat bare at times, specifically during Kiss the Girl and most of Ursula's scenes . I admit the two giant wine bottle openers on either side of the stage were rather odd, but pretty to look at. Perhaps the designer’s take on coral? My report card - performances: B+, physical production: C-