Why Does God Hate Trish?

Today was my first Caroling gig of the season at Woodbury Common Outlet mall. The gig itself was pretty uneventful, but the car trauma the night before was quite exciting. After Friday’s Holiday Concert fiasco, I decided to crash in Jersey for some well-deserved R & R before returning to NYC. After spending the day binge eating (Popeye’s chicken, chocolate, and McDonald’s dollar menu items), Trish and I packed up mom and dad’s van. If you’ve been keeping up, Trish’s car had a nervous breakdown on the way to Virginia last weekend so we exchanged it with the family van while her car goes into the shop for some mechanical therapy. Back to Saturday - we filled up the gas tank and got on the highway only to notice that none of the dials on the dashboard registered. Did I mention that we also had TDF tickets to Cymbeline that evening at Lincoln Center? So we pulled over unto the shoulder, said a little prayer and tried the ignition again. Same thing, only this time the “check engine” light came on. “Why does God hate me?” Trish muttered. So I promptly called Don, who schedules and runs the caroling company. “There’s a problem with the car so you better start getting plan B together.” I also offer him my Cymbeline tickets and he replies, “Lord no, the last thing I want to do right now is listen to Phylicia Rashad talk.” Don eventually calls me back to let me know that he has reserved a rental car for the day and that I’ll need to use my credit card. No problem, what’s another hundred bucks on top of $15,000 debt already? Meanwhile, Trish is on the phone with dad. Apparently, this has happened before. The remedy? - slip the key in as slowly as you can. Then wait. And while pushing the key into the ignition, turn slowly. Of course, this method instantly brings the dashboard back to life but it's too late for us to try and catch our show. So we decide to continue binging for a couple more hours. No sense wasting fried chicken.

The gig itself was pretty routine except for the security guard asking us if we were going to do a better job than last weeks group who had a "horrible tone." Oh well, you can't please everyone.